Victor Fonosch Interview
[ photo by david broach ]
 Where do you live at?
Shorty's Park. It's like a warehouse.
Do you live under the ramp or something?
No, you walk in, and there's a bed, two rooms, offices. And then you go past another door, and there's the park.
I heard you sleep with a hammer though?
There's a bunch of weirdos around there, like speed freaks and stuff. If someone breaks in, I don't want to get killed or something. There's always these dirty-ass freaks going through the trash cans and stuff. I was talking to this one guy, and he was pretty crazy, and I asked him if he knew where any furniture was, and he was like, "Yeah, all right." He came back like five minutes later with this dirty-ass couch. Now we've got this couch in the park.
Does it smell like piss?
No. There's termites in it. We put a blanket over it though.
Oh. Well, that makes a world of difference, Victor. What's your girlfriend's favorite obstacle at the park?
Oh, my god. I don't know.
Do you just decide what her favorite obstacle is each day?
See, that was the Yucaipa skatepark.
So, what's the story with the skatepark, dude?
Me and my girl went over there and chilled.
I heard that each day you pick a new obstacle to fuck on.
No, it only happened twice. Once on the pyramid and once on the block.
You fucked your girlfriend on a block?
Yeah, like, yeah.
What trick did you do on the block?
I don't do tricks. I just do my girl.
Was it hard on the pyramid? Didn't she keep sliding down?
No, we were on top of it. No falling. We're professionals here.
When you had your girlfriend on the block, did she get wax on her ass?
No. We didn't go on the wax side. We're not rookies.
Tell me about the footage you poached in New
Orleans.
The fat chick? It was so funny. It was me, Jeremiah
Vance and Spanky. We were just chiilin' in our
rooms, and we looked across at the fifth-story
building across, and there was this fat-ass girl that
just got out the shower, and she was rubbing paint
all over her body like in the mirror. We filmed it for
like ten minutes, and then she looked at us, and she
started crying.
How fat was she?
She was like 300 or something.
Like "Worst Issue Ever" fat?
Oh, yeah. It was pretty bad. She was like rubbing
some kind of oil or something on her forever. I don't
know what it was.
Did that give you a hard-on?
Hell, no. I wasn't even watching that shit. I was
playing chess.
Did you want to suck her blood?
Hell, no.
But I thought you were a vampire?
A vampire? No. I have to skate in the daytime.
So, you just wear a vampire's cape sometimes?
Sometimes. But it's not really a cape. It's more like a
trench coat, Mafia-style.
Are you down with the Trench Coat Mafia?
I don't know them that well. They were pretty crazy
though.
Have you ever gone into your cafeteria at school
and shot anybody?
Nah. I wish I would have. I didn't go to school that
much. I dropped out in like tenth grade.
So, you're not that smart?
No, I'm smart. That's why I dropped out 'cause they
just teach you the same bullshit they taught you in
like junior high, and I was over it.
Do you know when the Battle of 1754 was?
Um, 1754?
No, there was no battle in 1754.
How do you know?
Because I was there.
No, you weren't. There could have been a battle
between John and Bob or something.
No, dude, I was there, and everything was
chill.
No.
You live ten minutes from Vegas?
No. Yucaipa's pretty out there though. It's like by
Palm Springs.
Did you grow up in a trailer?
Kinda. Not my whole life, but I have.
Did you used to put Spam in your cereal?
Spam? I don't like cereal. And I don't like Spam, I
don't think. Never had it.
When it was cold in the winters, did you ever
have to use Spam as earmuffs?
I don't think I've ever even seen Spam.
It explodes when you touch it.
Does if really? You eat Spam a lot?
With cheese on top.
Fuck that. I just eat Del Taco.
They have Spam tacos there, you should order
one.
No, they don't. I go there every day.
Do you work there?
No.
I'm giving you a chance to say your sponsors.
Shorty's skateboards and Shorty's Hardware,
Black Panther, Black Magic, Ghetto Child and
Circa and Banned Board Shop and Muska
Beats.
Do you rap on his new album?
No, but I support that shit. My voice
haggard.
Can you kick a rhyme for the kids?
No.
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