Unkle Kracker Interview
[ photo by chris nieratko ]
You don't like L.A.?
I don't dig L.A. as much as I could dig it. Everybody's got this agenda. Nobody's like, "How do you do?" It's, "What do you do?" That's what I can't stand about it.
What's with the gems on your tooth, is that embedded in your tooth, or is that little caps?
They're crowns.
You can pull them off?
No, they're cemented on. Like if you cracked your tooth, they would file it down to a little nub, and then they'd make a new tooth to put on.
Did you crack your teeth?
One was cracked. They had the shitty bondage bond-type thing done to it, and the other one was just yellow. Ghetto superstar.
Do you have to floss your teeth with like jewelry cleaner or anything like that?
No, you can brush regularly, but if you eat like blueberries and shit, the diamond starts turning blue.
What does that cost to have a diamond put in your tooth?
I don't even know exactly how much it costs. I had a bunch done 'cause my mouth was foul. I hadn't been to the dentist in six or seven years, so I had cracked teeth and fillings that needed to be redone and shit like so they did this whole overhaul. How 'bout Kid Rock's sister? You've met her?
No, I've seen her in magazines and shit. What's her name?
Jill. She's cash, Jill's cool.
Have you ever hooked up with her?
No, dude, she's my—we're the same age. I would never do nothin' like that to none of my friends, dude.
What if Kid Rock was into it?
It would still be kinda creepy. I just remember when she was a little kid, you know? They tried hooking me up. I was too shy. No, she's like my best friend's sister, you can't do that shit.
You got her number for me?
Nope. She's out here though.
Were you thinkin' about Joining the KKK ever?
No. You're not allowed to have gold teeth in the Ku KIux Klan. And the diamond thing threw them way off. I never thought about it.
I just figured you got two Ks In your name and—
I almost spelled it U-n-k-k-l-e with two Ks. I'm not even trying to think about it. That's hot.
So what are you, you're like Kid Rock's DJ right?
Yep.
But you have your own album.
Both.
How does that work?
I don't know. I just walked into it, it was like luck. We started out doing just all rap stuff. I've always done just the rap shit, but then one day he threw me behind the turntables.
What do you do on your album? You just the DJ?
No, no, no, my record's not a DJ at all. My record's just straight songs. In fact, I hate DJs.
So you're a DJ singer?
Yep.
Is that possible?
Yeah.
Do you sing while DJ-ing?
When I'm with Kid Rock, I do.
But like at home?
No, but when I do my own stuff, I'm like the frontman. No DJ, no turntables in my show at all.
Do you ever play records real low at home and just sing along with the songs while you're DJ-ing?
No, in fact, I don't even have turntables at the house.
Do you ever go to karaoke bars?
Oh, dude, are you kidding me? Yeah! I like to sing like, "Oh, What a Night," stuff like that. "Oops, I Did It Again."
Any Spice Girls shit?
No, just like "When Two Become One" and shit.
You seem like the dude who would have a mullet as a younger kid.
I was borderline mullet. Like it was there, but it wasn't all there. Like if I had had like another inch or two tacked on, I would have been full-blown. Our drummer's got a mullet. She's got a mullet.
How come you never do any shows with your face painted like a clown?
'Cause that'd be whack. I'd say that's gay. That might be one of the gayest things you could do, is paint your face like a clown and hop around onstage, and tt'd be even gayer If you started sprayin' soda on everybody.
So now that you sell millions of albums, tell me some famous people you get to fuck.
I don't get to fuck anybody. I got no game whatsoever. Plus, the wife thing kinda throws a monkey wrench in the whole deal.
Have you ever tried to stretch out his sleeves and shoot Joe C into the audience like in The Simpson's?
Nope. That was all for show. But what's up? They made me all skinny, with a beaver-skin hat with sideburns.
But isn't that your dream?
Dream of being skinny?
Or owning a beaver-skin hat.
Neither. Fuck no, dude!
But you used to rock the sideburns, right?
I didn't.
Yeah you did. Like when 90210 was really catching on, you were into Brandon Walsh?
I wanted 'em, I just couldn't grow 'em.
Which one was your favorite 90210 guy?
I can honestly say I don't have a favorite one. They all hold a special place in my heart.
Comments
knob bob
20 Aug 2007, 09:47
This kook just got caught doing a second degree forcible sex offense.
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