Smugglers Run
[ photos by tyler adair ]
 What would you say if someone offered to fly you and two friends to Vegas, put you up in a swank hotel and pay to have you ride ATVs and dune buggies all day in the desert? If you had a brain in your head you'd be filling your backpack full of clean socks and Vicadin without a second thought. At least, that's what I did when Rob "The Pickle King" Fleisher offered to have Rock Star Games fly Carnie, Tyler and myself to Sin City to test their new Playstation game, "Smuggler's Run," a game in which you are a drug runner transporting large amounts of dope across Mexican and Canadian borders while being chased by the Federales. The game, which we played only briefly, is a fuck-all test of fun and one of the best car games I've played in a while. The only thing I'd change would be that the driver should be able to stop in school zones and unload some of his product to young, naive school kids looking for an out from reality. Other than that, the game is good shit. Aside from going to Vegas to play video games, Rock Star had rented a bunch of ATVs, Hummers, Jeeps and dune buggies in an attempt to create a real-life version of their game, "Smuggler's Run." The concept wasn't bad: each team was given a bag of fake dope, fake money and a playing card with the goal being to collect as much of the other teams' dope and dough as possible while collecting cards to be used in a poker game later, all while cruising through the desert on ATVs and such. The bad part was that no alcohol was provided (we, of course, opted to bring our own) and our vehicles had to stay in a single file line at a speed of no greater than 20 mph. And although ATVs are a good time, at such slow speeds it's like watching a train pass by for eight hours: you're not sure if you want to jump in front of it or puke.
 Our team of shit-bags consisted of Carnie, Tyler, myself and Matt Sweeney and together we looted and pillaged everyone's money and dope stash while they weren't looking. We were also the assholes that refused to stay in a single-file line. And when we did stay in line, we'd stop dead, give the jeep in front of us a 30-second lead, then floor it, jumping sand dune after sand dune with hopes of destroying the shocks. Instead we destroyed my nose. With Carnie at the wheel, I felt secure enough to stand on the back seat of the jeep and surf over bumps. At one point I was so brave I flipped onto the hood of the jeep, holding onto the windshield wipers, riding there for a bit, then flipping back. It was on the flip back to the backseat when I bounced up and broke my nose in half by bashing it against the rollbar. Suddenly the cute drug game in the desert wasn't so fun to me anymore. That's when I started feeling maybe I should've stayed home. We eventually won the game, went back to the hotel, met up with Heather Roach, who was in Vegas for some other shit and drank ourselves to the point where my nose didn't hurt anymore. I'd like to thank Fleisher, Rock Star games and everyone that shelled out money for us to ruin their weekend. I in no way hold anyone responsible for making me less handsome and hope that we can all learn a lesson from this: smuggling drugs is best done in your living room, not driving around hopped up on them.
Comments
Chris Riordan
10 Dec 2007, 16:39
Drug smuggling and dealing is no laughing matter. It's not a writer's game, it's a real life hustle and if you ain't out on the streets - the front lines - risking life and limb and liberty just to make sure children everywhere have access to harmful substances, then you shouldn't make light of the lifestyle. Nice story though, custy!
Chris Riordan
25 Feb 2008, 10:37
Hey what's up Chris - just got off the horn with Big Man D.
Looks like Big Brother is coming back! Just thought I'd let ya know... see ya in the gloss.
[ back to top ]
© 2007 chrisnieratko.com |
|
