Pig Bearings review - chrisnieratko.com

Pig Ceramic Bearings Review

Is ceramic the same as porcelain? My mom used to collect these porcelain statues (don't all moms?) called Precious Moments. They're pretty lame, but, whatever, it makes her happy. They're like these statues of little kids with big eyes and big heads making nice, like kissing or playing in the snow or whatever. If you asked me, I'd say they look like alien babies. So don't ask me. It's kind of funny, because lately all the alien babies have been getting their ass kicked by my nephew. He's two-and-a-half and is in serious fuck-shit-up mode. If he thinks something is breakable, he'll test the theory. He's like a mini, blonde-haired Godzilla. I love it. He'll grab two of the statues, one in each hand, look me dead in the eye and smile. I know what that smile means. That smile excites me. It means something is about to break. But he's a good kid. He understands my role in this universe, as well as his own. He could be a little brat and just break the statues without any pre-warning, but, no, he gives me the courtesy of the mischievous smile, which covers all liability on my part. See, if he just broke the statues, everyone would give me shit, like, "Why weren't you watching him?" It's not like I can say, "I like when he breaks things," you know? So when he smiles, it gives me a chance to let out a loud, "JOSH! PUT THE STATUES DOWN! YOU BETTER NOT—" Then he smashes them together and laughs. I laugh too, but I have to do it quietly to myself, and quickly, because if they see me laughing with him, I'm in just as much trouble as he is. But because he gave me the smile and the chance to cover my ass with false discipline, I'm in the clear. Smart kid, I'm telling you. The other day he went to my sister and said, "Hey, where'd my pee-pee go?" Taken aback by the question, she stumbled over an answer, then he smiled, pointed to his pecker and said, "Just kidding! Here it is!"

Comments

ih8lifestories
30 Sep 2008, 20:49

we dont need to know your life story you nob.