Pancho Moler Interview - chrisnieratko.com

Pancho Moler Interview

[ photos by keith eric davidson ]

How come they didn't show you lifting Shaq Jackass?

Maybe because I'm not the guy on Jackass. That's Wee Man. I get that at least twice a day. It's mostly from jocks, people from the mainstream. I never get it from skaters really, unless it's young, little skaters that just started skating. Usually skateboarders can tell the difference. They're in a different state of mind, I guess.

What do the jocks say to you when they see you?

They're like, "Hey, man, you kick ass! Jackass rules, dude. You're my favorite character."

What do you usually say?

I go, "I'm not Wee Man, I'm his stunt double. I'm the guy that does the skateboarding tricks." You think you're a better skater than Wee Man? I know I'm a better skater than Wee Man. Do you think if we threw a big midget skate-off that you would beat him? Yeah, pretty much. I'm not like in competition with the guy. I'm riot that good at competitions myself. But I know for a fact, that people that skate with me and skate with him say there's no comparison. People are like, "How can they even compare you guys. You're a way better skater than the guy."

Didn't you have some kind of beef with him back in the day?

He had some beef with me. I've never had no kinda beef with that guy. Back in the day, when I was maybe like 17—

You were real short back then, right?

Yeah, I was pretty short. Not that much shorter than I am now, but like I was pretty short, and I guess he was staying in San Jose with Simon Woodstock, and Lance Dalgart gave Wee Man my number, and they called me up. Wee Man was like, "Hey, Pancho, what's up? This is Wee Man." I was like, "All right. Cool. How did you get my number?" He was like, "Hey, man, I wanna box you in a boxing match. I want it to be before Simon Woodstock and Mike Muir fight." I was just like, I've never met the guy, I don't know who he is. I've never even shook his hand. I've seen him in a few mags or whatever. I've never seen him skate. I was just like, "You know what? I'm not going to fight you." I'll admit I was pretty scared of the guy, he's like five years older than me, you know?

You were scared of Wee Man?

Well, I was small, man. There's that little age difference. I was scared of him. I'm not scared of him no more. Not at all.

Was he bigger than you back then?

No, I just heard he used to do pushups while doing a handstand, and that kinda scared me.

That would scare me too.

And that's the first impression I got from the guy. I'd never met the guy, and he just wanted to fight me for no reason, and I just told him, "Look, man, I don't fight. I get my fame through skateboarding. That's what I really love, and that's what I'm going to do."

But If it came down to it now, you think you would be able to kick his ass?

I'm not going to say whether I'm going to be able to kick his ass or not kick his ass. I have no idea, I'm just saying that I'm not scared of him.

More importantly, how come his ass is bigger than your ass?

Probably because he's a little shorter.

You're taller than him now?

Well, yeah, I mean, I've stood next to him, and I'm probably like three inches taller than him. I just remember looking down at him a little bit, not really that much.

I think you'd kick his ass.

Well, thank you, Chris. Thank you so much.

You look more like an evil dwarf. He looks like a happy-go-lucky dwarf. I don't think he has it in him.

I look evil?

Yeah, you got an evil thing going on.

Shut the hell up, man. That's fucked up, man. I'm not trying to look evil. I'm trying to look like the nicest guy.

You know, he looks like one of those little lollipop kids, and you look more like somebody that would be in Time Bandits.

Oh, thanks.

Sure. So, did you used to get tortured a lot when you were a little kid?

I used to get made fun of by jocks in school. They would just fucking make fun of me and ask me if I was in Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory and just bullshit. Call me like Peck, from that movie Willow. It's like little immature bullshit that I never get now.

I heard you had a pretty rough first day at high school.

I did have a pretty rough time, but you know what? I got over it. All you gotta do is be strong and don't even listen to that shit. They would just laugh at me. Can you imagine people just pointing at you and laughing at you? I remember one day I was walking in gym class by the pool area, and these guys were playing polo, and they threw the ball, and it hit me in the head really hard. I got a little dazed, but I lived through it.

But by the same token I also talked to some girl, and she said you were the stud in high school.

I wasn't the stud in high school. I never had a girlfriend really, but I dated girls on and off, but I wasn't no Mac Daddy.

Do you find you get more girls wanting to fuck you just out of curiosity?

Yeah, I do, especially in foreign countries. In America girls sometimes suck, they're so closed-minded, and there is so much peer pressure going on that they are so worried about what their friends are going to think if they fuck a midget or if they're even into a midget. It's retarded.

What are some good countries that you're big in?

I like Panama a lot and Europe. Europe is really cool, and South America is the bomb. I like Germany and Austria.

How tall are you?

I'm four foot eight

When you get in fights, do you automatically just punch big people In the balls?

I've only been in one fight in my life. And that was in high school We were playing flag football, and one of the jocks thought it would be funny, instead of grabbing my flag, to grab my T-shirt and start swinging me around when I was running with the ball. And he swung me around, and I don't really know what happened, but I fell on the ground really hard, and something just switched in my head. I waited for him to be turned around, and I ran, and I jumped on him, got him on the ground, put both of my knees on each of his shoulderblades, and I just started punching him in the face as hard as I could until a teacher had to pull me off of him. That guy never fucked with me ever again. No one ever made fun of me. I gained their respect in a way. It was bad, but it was good for me.

Do you think that he was embarrassed as shit that he got his ass kicked by a midget?

Yeah, I think so. I think to this day he's embarrassed as shit. Now he's gotta see me in the magazine and go, "That's the guy who kicked my ass. Look at how short he is, and look at how big I am."

Do you have a midget couch and midget chairs?

No, I don't have anything that's small. I don't have a midget couch or a midget fucking bed. I have normal-sized everything. The only thing I do have is a stool. I have a stool in my kitchen, because houses are not made especially for midgets, unless you're like some rich midget that buys a house that's especially made for you. I just have a stool 'cause the cabinets are really tall, and I can reach everything fine with my stool.

How much do you think a specially made midget house goes for?

Fuck, dude, you got me there. I have no idea. I never looked in on that. But you know what I just did? I went under LPAonline.org, which is Little People of America, and I ordered pedal extensions 'cause i'm getting a car. You can remove 'em, take 'em on and off yourself. They're as easy as that, and I can get any car I want now.

Did you ever have a car before?

No, I've never had a car, due to the fact that I was really lazy, never pushed myself, never even knew about pedal extensions. Everyone was like, "What are you going to do? Tape some fucking phone books to your feet or some shit?"

Have you ever even driven a car before?

Yeah, I've driven a car, but it's just uncomfortable for me to drive it without the pedals being a little higher. Like, i can see fine, it's just that I gotta move the seat all the way up. If I crashed I'd probably die right away.

The airbag would probably shoot you out the back window. Did you have to sit on phone books when you drive cars?

No. I have a regular-sized torso. It's weird, like when I'm sitting by a normal person, my face is almost up to his face.

You don't have a fucking big head like Wee Man has.

Yeah.

Are yous guys different makes and models or something?

I have no idea. I've hung out with the guy a few times, when I see him at trade shows and stuff, but that's the only time I've ever seen him. But there are some dwarves that have a real fat ass and a real fat head. I don't know if I have that big of an ass, like you're saying Wee Man does, but I have a pretty big ass.

Do you have a little ghetto booty ass?

I guess I have a ghetto booty, man.

I've seen you naked in a video, and you don't really have ghetto booty.

Well, I have a somewhat big ass, but I guess not ghetto booty. Not as big as most midgets have.

Did you have to wear baby clothes in fifth grade?

No.

You didn't have a baby-sized bed?

No. My parents always treated me normal. I have brothers, and they're normal. One's 18, and the other one's 12. And they always treated me just like them, we had the same things.

Is it weird being the oldest brother and being so little?

It's cool 'cause my brothers don't treat me like a little brother. They treat me like an older brother, and they respect me and ask me for advice, and they'll take care of me if anything ever happened.

Has anybody ever asked you, you know, to do midget tossing?

What the hell is midget tossing?

It's when they strap that harness onto your body and throw you to see how far you go, and whoever gets the farthest I guess wins a prize.

Nah. I leave that up to Wee Man. He's milking the mainstream pretty good. He could do it.

Are you a little bit jealous that he's getting so popular?

I'm not jealous at all. It bums me out when people come up to me and ask me that. And sometimes they think I'm lying, you know? They're like, "Yes, you are, yes, you are." That kind of pisses me off, 'cause I'd know if I was or wasn't, you know? I'm not jealous at all. I'm stoked for the guy. I wish there was a way we could go on TV together or something and make it known to the world that I'm not Wee Man, 'cause I'm really sick of getting that question.

Don't you think that every other midget in the world is getting that now?

That's what I was talking to my friends about. I was like, "I wonder if I'm the only dude that gets it?" Wee Man has come up to me and tells me that he gets called Pancho a lot, but probably not so much now. I was just back in Jersey, and my friends were like, "Dude, there's your buddy Wee Man." And I looked, and it's a black midget with a mustache. People are just retarded.

Yeah, they see a midget, and they just assume it's Wee Man or Tattoo from Fantasy Island.

I'd play Tattoo, and I'd be the fucking Mac Daddy pimp.

Why don't you suggest that for maybe your next porno video?

I don't do porn no more. I stopped about eight months ago. I did my last porn, and I don't really want to do it. It interferes too much with skateboarding, and I love skateboarding too much for it to end for me.

How did you get into that?

Some guys at a trade show came up to me and asked me. They were like, "We think you're a good-looking short man, and we were just wondering if you had ever considered doing porn." I was a little drunk at the time, so I took their card, and I called them up like a week later and asked them if they were serious about it. They totally remembered me, and they were serious, and the thing would be legit. We'd be tested and everything, and it was good money. I thought about it for a few months, I didn't just jump into it right away, and said, "Why not?" Fuck some good-looking girls for money and get paid for it, why not? So I did it.

What kinda money do dudes get? Do they get a lot of money like the girls?

No, no. Not even. Girls get three times as much as the dudes. I'd get like $700. Maybe a little more sometimes.

And the chicks were hot?

Yeah, the chicks were super hot. They wanted to make them fetish videos, so they'd always hook me up with super-tall girls with big boobs. Why not, man? I love fucking, why not do it?

Do you like tall chicks like that?

Yeah, I love 'em.

Do you need to use your stool to get up to their crotch?

No. I can just stand up, and I'll be right there.

What was it like the first time?

There was a lot of people watching, but I'm pretty much a hornball, so it didn't even matter. I got straight to work, and after I was done people were clapping. They were all like, "Hey, do you want to work next week?" It wasn't like I did one every day or every month. I did a total of seven, but I did them like every five months. I'd always have to think about 'em a little bit, think of the consequences and shit. And then like six months ago I was over it, and I stopped doing it. I experienced something new, you know? Maybe later on in my years, I'll go back to it, but for now I just want to focus on skateboarding.

Would they ever ask you to do realty fucked-up shit?

No, it was strictly legit. Just have sex, and that's it. One time they asked me if I would consider doing like a 400-pound chick, and I was like, "You know what? I don't even think I could get hard. Don't ever ask me that again." They were going to pay me a good amount of money, but I just don't want to do that, you know? At least if I'm going to do porn, might as well do it with some chick that's super hot.

Do your parents know?

Yeah, they know, but I don't really like to talk to them about it. They were just like, "What you do with your life is cool. We're going to support you whatever way, just don't be gay. Don't be a fag." I was like, "Mom, Dad, I would never be gay."

What do your friends say when they see the videos and shit?

They're just like, "Damn, Panch, you're crazy. I can't believe you did this!" Then the crazier half of my friends are like, "Dude, get me into the business. Then I'm like, "Go take a test." That's pretty much your fuck license. They're just afraid to take the test. I'm like, "Whoa, you got problems, man." You got some issues if you're afraid to take an AIDS test. I mean, I was scared the first time, because I've done some dirt in my time, but then after I got it, I felt so relieved, and I've never done dirt after that. I always use a condom now, and that's how it is.

Being stared at and pointed at all the time, how do you not freak out on people?

Well, I freaked out on a few jocks on this past tour. I told 'em to fuck off and get away from me. Leave me the fuck alone. And they respected that, and they left me alone.

I wouldn't be able to deal with it, I'd fucking spit in their face.

Well, yeah, I would if maybe I was your size. But I'm not, and I don't want to get my ass beat by a ton of jocks. Any jock is way bigger than me. I know my friends would always defend me, but then there's the whole thing of trying to take on the whole fucking football team, and that sucks.

Do you think they'd try and use you as a football?

No, I don't think they'd try to use me as a football, I don't even think they'd really fuck with me. I can't say. Like I said I've only been in one fight. I don't know what jocks think, don't know how people think. I just know how I think.

Growing up, who was the midget that you looked up to?

I didn't look up to any midgets. I mean, there wasn't really any midgets to look up to. Who the hell am I going to look up to, fucking Tattoo?

Arnold from Different Strokes?

Arnold from Different Strokes? I guess he is a midget. But he looks normal. I never looked up to him either. I just looked up to myself. I didn't look up to myself, I just was myself.

Do you attend any of those Little People of Amerk festivals?

No, I haven't, but I've been told about 'em. I'm interested to go to one of them just to see what kind of things they have to offer. Maybe there's some hot midget chick out there for me. It's weird for me just 'cause I've seen maybe two in life. And the ones that I saw weren't that good-looking. I'm into really good-looking chicks. I've always dated super tall chicks. I guess I've got to give it a chance.

What's super tall to you? Like 5-1, 5-2?

Well, my last girlfriend I had was 5-11. It was rad. I loved her a lot.

Did you ever see that one porn chick? Bridget the midget?

Yeah. I've seen her before. She's pretty cool. I'm not really into her. I hung out with her before. She's just too drugged out for me, man. She did a lot of drugs when I was with her. She smoked a lot of speed. Those are the type of drugs that scare the shit out of me. I have an addictive personality, and I don't like being around that shit because I would never want to get into it, I look at people and what it does to them, and I would never want that to be me.

Was she all like trying to get in your pants?

She did get in my pants. For like a night, and that's it, and then I never called her again. I guess if it was a different midget chick it would be good, but I just had that conscience, like, "Damn, I'm hooking up with a straight-up drug-addict freak." Then I woke up in the morning, and i was like, "You gotta go." She laughed and was like, "You're gonna call me, right?" and I was like, "No, I'm never going to call you again."

And what did she say?

She said, "Oh, you think you're too cool?" I'm like, "No. Whatever." I just never called her again, you know, I wasn't into it. I just know that she's real freak, and from the porn industry, from producers and shit that have worked with her that tell me to watch out for her. It was just a one-night thing. I had that thing in my head, "Fuck, I wonder what it would be like to fuck another midget." That's what made me do it.

What kinda car do you think you're gonna get? Are you thinking about a golf cart?

Fuck off. You love to fuck with people, don't you?

It's my job.

I know, but you fucking take it to the fucking extreme extreme. Some shit I was prepared for, but, damn, you go to the straight-up extreme.

But you're not bummed, are you?

No. I'm not bummed. It was everything I thought it was going to be. The guys at Think were like, "Dude, don't answer anything that has to do with porn." And I told you last week, "Don't ask me too many questions about that," and you were like, "All the questions are made up already, and we have to. It will make the interview that much more interesting." I understand what you are saying, 'cause I don't want to read no dull interview that's like, "How long have you been skateboarding for?"

If I don't ask about porn I might as well not ask you about being a midget. These are the things that make you.

Yeah, I know. I respect that. Do what you have to do. All those guys, especially Greg Carroll, didn't want me to associate myself with that. Because I got denied from that Obey Sprite tour, they asked for me and Dan Drehobl, then they called back a week or two later, and they were like, "We don't want Pancho Moler, but we want Drehobl. We heard he does pornography films, and we don't support that. So you're going to have to send another pro." There was nothing I could do. I mean, it's the truth, I can't hide it, who I am or what I did.

Are you worried at all that that's going to haunt you for the rest of your life?

Porn? No. How's it going to haunt me in any way?

There's no way you're going to become President, Pancho.

Oh, I don't want to be President. It's too hard. I don't want to make the decision of going to war or nuking someone or whatever. What happened last year, I was saying straight in my head we should nuke 'em. If I was President we would have nuked them. Then what would have happened? It would suck.

Just think of all the chicks you could fuck if you were President.

Fucking's great, but one day I do want to find a true love, and I want to find someone that's going to make me feel good about myself, support me and make me feel like king of the world. Just like what every guy wants. And I'm sure one day I will find that. But fucking comes and goes. Every guy fucks. Anyone can fuck.

You're saying fucking won't save the world?

No. Not at at.

I think you'd make a nice little President.

Well, thank you, Chris, I'll take that as a compliment. I'm sure all my friends would vote for me. Then all the jocks would vote for me too 'cause they think I'm Wee Man. You know what, sometimes I do say that I'm Wee Man. The only time I've ever said I'm Wee Man was one time on Venice Beach. I was walking around, and these girls were riding their roller skates in their bikinis and shit, and they were like, "Oh, my God! It's Wee Man." And they followed me around for hella long, and they were like, "Are you Wee Man?" and I thought to myself, "If I say no, that would suck, and if I say yes, I wonder what would happen?" So I went, "Yeah, that's totally me. I'm totally Wee Man." They were like, "Really, oh, my God!" and they started rubbing their boobs in my face, and that was cool. I thank Wee Man for that.

I heard from some chick from Venice that there's a midget skateboard chick that skates vert.

Wow, that would be tripped-out, dude. 'Cause all the pads are super big. I hate wearing pads. Wearing a kneepad is like almost like taking up half of my leg. I can't imagine a midget chick skating in full pads.

Do you have to wear elbow pads on your knees?

Yeah, I used to. But that's better than wearing kneepads for me. At least I can move my fucking leg.

Did you ever use a wrist guard as a helmet?

No.

Panch, I think we got enough shit. You want to tell me your sponsors?

Think Skateboards, Venture Trucks, Volcom Clothing and Diamond Hardware.

Comments

maddin
10 Oct 2007, 10:38

rad interview!

danster
12 Feb 2008, 05:36

i like pancho, and he's rad in skating. i guess i would feel more comfortable with him then with wee. isn't weeman a little high nosed arrogant? Plus he's not really funny. Pancho though makes me laugh when he said he's wee's stuntdouble. Genuis