Nigeria 70 review - chrisnieratko.com

Nigeria 70 Review

I don't have a clue what the hell Funky Lagos is. I'm guessing it comes from Nigeria, but that seems like too easy of an answer. Whatever it is, it certainly is funky. The sad thing is that my mother used to totally dress me like that cool cat on the cover of this set, but, you know what, a five-year-old white kid does not even look slightly cool when dressed like that. White kids should wear dumb Mickey Mouse prints and khaki Gap clothes in hopes of making the hard task of making friends in kindergarten that much easier. My mom didn't see things that way. I'd be made to wear high-heel dress shoes with lime pants and yellow shirts with large lapels. I looked like Kid Travolta dancing off the screen of Saturday Night Fever. And I wore an eye patch. What was I doing wearing an eye patch? Why are parents so cruel like that? I remember when my nephew was born my sister-in-law took the poor kid for photos and dressed him up as an angel, with wings and the whole shit. Now that kid is stuck having that photo surface again and again for the rest of his life. I suppose I'm not going to be any better. I've already started a collection of fucked-up T-shirts, parachute pants, cargos that unzip into shorts, spiked bracelets, red sneakers, wool hats with brims on them, shoelace belts, wraparound sunglasses, oversized backpacks with thousands of pockets that will never be used, bandanas, fur-lined jackets, baseball helmets with headphones built in, neon-colored basketball jerseys and graffiti-printed shirts and caps that don't really say anything. Yeah, I'm gonna dress my kid to look like the retards we were in 2002. I'm going to cover him in pigs' blood and send him to the wolves. And when he takes that last look back at me, right before entering that school building for the first time, and asks, "Why are you doing this to me?" I'll get down on one knee, kiss his head and smile and say, "Because my mom did it to me. Now go."

Comments

bobbybabbington
06 Jul 2007, 00:59

this is one of the best albums ever released