Motley Crue Interview
[ photos by nieratko ]
 What was up with that chick with the license plate?
Yeah, right. I saw something like that. It was cool. I dig license plates, it's a cool thing. I've gotten quite a few of those, actually. I got about 25 or 30 of them. And they all say different shit. Some say "Motley", some say "Crue". There's a couple of them where I go, "How did you get that on a license plate?" Like one said "Crue Sexx". Because, shit, I had this white truck, a big Dulley, and I used to always call it my whiteboy. I'd say, "I'm gonna go jump in the whiteboy." And so I tried to get "Whiteboy" on my license plate, and it was right around the time when all the riots were going down in L.A. and they wouldn't let me have it.
You're lucky they didn't. You would have gotten your ass killed. Since we're on the subject, would you like to share any wild groupie escapades?
Oh, man. I never did a groupie in my life.
Bullshit. And I never had a beer. Well, the question everyone wants answered is: when are you and Donna D'errico gonna do a porno?
Right after Mick Mars' comes out. He's working on it as we speak. You know, we call him the horse. He's hung like a horse.
Seems like the whole group is, huh? Did you have some sort of big-cock talent search before you started the band?
I don't know, man, I'm hung like a chipmunk. Being in Motley Crue is like being in the circus, we're kind of numbed to all the freaks around us. I think everything we do is pretty normal.
Donna D'errico. How the hell did you meet up with that little piece of ass?
A blind date. Tommy's ex, Pam, was on Baywatch and so was Donna. Donna had a three-year-old boy at the time and I had three children. I was divorced, she was single and neither of us was dating anybody. I just wasn't interested in any more headaches. So Pam was telling her all about me like, "Whatever he does for a living is whatever but he's really solid and really cool." And she was telling me the same thing about her. I was thinking, "I don't really care to meet her. Whatever." And she was thinking, "Great, some rock star wants to get in my panties the first night." And what happens is we show up, go out and fall head over heels in love. I knew I was never gonna fuck another girl, never, in my life after the first night.
So you did get laid the first night?
No, I didn't. It didn't matter. It actually took six weeks. She was really into Laura Schlessinger, this girl who is into preaching about waiting six weeks before you have sex with a guy. So I had to deal with that. It sucked because she's fucking fine. My old lady is so fine that she walks in and I laugh. She's like, "What's wrong?" "Nothing." Inside I'm going, "What are you doing with me?"
 Is she a natural blonde? Yellow ribbons around the old pee-pee?
Full on, dude. It's fucking crazy. Dude, we're sleeping, I roll over and I laugh. Like, "What the hell is she thinking?" I had this mirror installed over our bed and I'll just see myself, hair all mangled, make-up running down my face, covered in tattoos and I look at her and she's so perfect and all I can do is laugh. I ask her, "What are you doing here? You should be with some male model." But she thinks those guys are gross and dorks.
Do you record your sex on video? Is there any chance of us seeing that in stores any time soon?
No. No chance. We keep it private. If it did it would be fucking gnarly, I tell you that. Like 10 X-rated. Hardcore shit, man.
Does she take it in the caboose?
How can I say this? It's the party from hell. We take our sex life very seriously.
You're a lucky man. I tell you, you stepped in something good. Oh, to be a fly on the wall of your bedroom.
I'm telling you, she's the catch of a lifetime. Shit.
Since Tommy and Pam hooked you two up, was there ever a time before Tommy and Pam broke up where the four of you would all get it on?
No. No. Actually, my old lady doesn't have much respect for Pam, because of her actions. She doesn't think very highly of her and neither do I.
Is Tommy gonna beat the fuck out of that surfer kid, Kelly Slater, for fucking Pam while he was locked up in the clink?
Actually, I don't think Tommy cares anymore, man. He's moved on.
Let's wrap this up. I've got some napkins I need to decorate in the bathroom. Do you want to plug your new album?
Sure. It's a celebration of our history with a little bit of new stuff. I think there's a lot of people that are just getting turned on to Motley Crue. They're like, "I thought Feelgood was their first album." We just played WWE wrestling and all these young kids, 14-19, are coming to the shows now. They saw us on TV and now they're like, "This is bad ass, this is way better than the other crap I'm listening to." So the album is called Motley Crue: Greate$t Hit$ and it's on Motley Records. We put it out ourselves. We're one of the only bands in history to be lucky enough to own all the rights to all our songs. It's all good. Other than that I've got a band called Laidlaw coming out on my label, Americoma. Real guitar-driven southern rock. As well as my own side-project called 1958. It's a cross between Velvet Underground, James Brown, and Power Pop. It's cool, it's dark and that's all coming out next year. It's all good man. Motley Crue, Motley Records, Outlaw clothing line, record label, four kids, gorgeous wife. It's all fucking good.
Well, shit, don't rub it in.
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