Mike Chalmers Interview
[ photo by rick kosick ]
 I really like your part in the Sorry video, even though people say you're just a park jock.
Yeah, I'm pretty stoked on my shit too.
Is Flip finally going to give you a pro model now?
I dont know. Maybe. We'll see.
How many years have you been on that team without a model?
I don't know, like ten now or something. Yeah, it sucks.
Do you really drink all that Coca-Cola they say that you drink?
Yeah, i guess-so. Well, that's my fucking dad. My dad, Alex.
Your dad, Alex? What are you talking about?
No, my brother. Alex.
What? Who is this?
It's Mike Chalmers.
I thought this was Alex Chalmers.
No.
And Alex Chalmers is your dad?
No I'm just fuckin' kiddin'.
Oh, who's your dad?
Brian.
Is he related to Alex Chalmers?
No, no relation there. Everyone thinks that, but no.
What's your mom's name?
Megan.
Is she related to Alex Chalmers?
No. Sorry.
And your name is Michael?
Yeah.
Did the kids used to say. 'Michael. Michael. Motorcycle. Turn the key and watch him pee"?
No. Similar to that I think it was like "Michael, Michael, Motorcycle..." ---um, I don't know. Something else.
Turn the key and watch him pee, dummy.
I've never heard of that one. I don't know. I can't remember.
You're one of those Canadian potheads that can't remember anything, aren't you?
Exactly.
Is that all yous guys do up there is just fuckin' smoke weed and fuckin' smoke more weed?
We just chill. Chill. Smoke, Skate. Go to hockey games.
Do you know how over interviewing Canadians I am?
Yeah. l can.
No, you can't. Kosick bangs out like five of 'em in a week, then I'm stuck talking to all you damn Canadians.
Yeah, I know. Shitty, dude: Then why don't you tell Kosick to stop doin' it?
You can't stop him from doing anything.
Yeah. He doesn't seem too stoked on shootin' the photos.
Why, did he yell at you?
No. He just got up quickly.
What do you mean, he got off the ground quickly?
Yeah.
What, you want him on the ground longer?
I don't know.
You like Kosick on his knees?
Yeah, it's fucking sweet.
Did he just break out on you after he was done shootin' photos with you?
Pretty much. Smoked all our fucking chronic, then headed.
I heard you reek like a pile of shit.
I reek? Maybe. If you want me to reek.
I heard you don't wear any deodorant and you smell like
shit.
I wear deodorant I wouldn't say I smell like shit I smell like
roses. Peaches and roses.
Aren't you from a hippie town? Is that why you smell like
shit?
Yeah, I'm from a hippie town, gotta wear that patchouli and
shit. It's my roots, I guess. I keep it real.
Were you parents carrot farmers?
I think they grew potatoes or something, Harvested livestock
and shit. You know how it is.
You used to have animals in your house?
No, I'm just kiddin'. I grew up in a hippie town, but my
parents weren't really hippies.
Old they have slaves?
We had a couple slaves out back. We only use them when we
need them, like in the wintertime, when you gotta build igloos
and shit.
Igloos?
We gotta build igloos and an ice rink.
What are you talking about? You're not an Eskimo.
Yeah, I've got Eskimo in my blood.
You got an Eskimo in your butt?
No. Eskimo in my blood.
How'd that happen?
I don't know. Just somewhere down the line.
Your mom had the day off, and your mailman's an
Eskimo?
Maybe. I hope not.
Do yous guys even have mailmen in Canada?
No. We just ride the horse and carriage to the local store.
Can you ice skate on the ocean up there?
Fuck yeah. All the time. Hit the waves and shit.
Did you ever pork a whale's blow hole?
I dont know. Probably-- Yeah, think so.
How can you not remember if you porked a whale's blow
hole?
I don't know. It was a long time ago.
Do you have any funny stories that involve monkeys?
Monkeys? Some people say I look like a monkey. I've been told. When I was younger especially. It was brutal.
Dude, didn't you want to kill yourself?
Yeah, I tried, but it didn't work.
I guess you better tell me your sponsors.
Manual Skateboards, Elwood (flow), Lakai through the
distribution up here and RDS, and that's about it.
That's a-boot it?
Yeah. That's a-boot it. Yeah. I want to thank Alex Chalmers for
hookin' this shit up.
Okay, Mike. Well, you can go back to being stinky now.
All right. Thanks.
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