Matt Allen Interview - chrisnieratko.com

Matt Allen Interview

[ photo by kosick ]

Did you have as much fun as I did on the Tony Hawk tour?

Probably not. We didn't even get to ride on the bus. We had to follow you guys in the Birdhouse van. It just seemed a lot funner on the bus.

Did you enjoy your time with Kosick?

Yeah. He's cool. He's pretty funny. He just talks shit to you that's cool. He called me like Mini Matt because he thinks I'm a midget or some shit.

Are you a midget?

No.

You sound like a frog.

You sound like a fucking drunk.

No, I don't. I'm very sober at the moment.

I know. But I've seen you throw up.

And that means you know me?

No.

Aren't you a short little fucker?

I guess. I don't know. I don't know what average height is.

How tall are you?

I don't fucking know!

You have to know how tall you are. What are you, a retard?

Fuck. I guess like 5'-2" or 5'-3", I don't know.

Oh, dude, that's so short.

Fuck you.

Are you gonna get any taller?

Yeah, I'm only 15.

Dude, you're done growing. Every curb is going to be head high to you for the rest of your life.

Yeah, right. I'm gonna grow. Watch.

Do you love Tony Hawk?

No.

Does your mom love Tony Hawk?

No.

You think your mom would have an affair with Tony Hawk if Tony Hawk wanted to have an affair?

No.

Doesn't she know he can spin 900s?

Yes.

So how is she not gonna want to have an affair with him?

'Cause he's younger then her.

Exactly. Old ladies like young dudes.

I don't know. I just don't think it would happen.

Would you have an affair with her?

No. She's my mom. What the fuck?

What, you don't love your mom?

I love her, but I don't want to do anything with her.

Do you want to do anything to anybody?

Yeah, fucking a lot of girls.

I heard you never even touched a girl before.

You heard wrong.

What does it feel like?

I don't—what the fuck do you mean? What are you talking about, touching?

You tell me. What did you touch?

I don't know. I just grabbed her ass and stuff.

What did it feel like?

An ass. A girl's ass.

Wrong. That's not what they feel like.

That's what it feels like to me.

Wrong.

I bet you never even grabbed a girl's ass!

Wrong.

Prove it!

Wrong.

You're wrong.

You're the wrongest. You're too short, you can't even reach a girl's ass.

Yes, I can. It's perfect height. You're just jealous 'cause I get more girls than you.

I heard you never even had a girl.

I never had sex before.

So I think I got you beat there, little shit.

All right, but I don't even care about that.

You couldn't tell the difference between the smell of chocolate and the smell of pussy.

Yes, I can.

You couldn't even tell if you were drinking coffee or getting shit on.

Yes, I could.

Yeah, right. Prove it.

You prove it.

No. This conversation is so pointless.

You're the one asking dumb questions.

You ever been to Kansas?

Yeah, I did. I went to Kansas on tour, and there's a bunch of fucking hot-ass girls.

Did you try and climb up their legs and smell their ass?

No, I didn't.

Then you'd never make it in Danang.

What?

Danang, boy. You remember Danang?

No. What's that?

It's the reason that you're walking in this country as a free man.

Oh. I see.

Vietnam, boy.

Oh, yeah, I heard about that shit.

You'd never make it in Danang, man.

No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't give a fuck either.

All I know is that you'd be sitting there in a field of dead babies in Danang, boy.

Yes, I would, I admit it.

You wanna tell me your sponsors? And then go live your scared little life.

I'm not scared.

When Charlie gets his sights on you, it's all over, boy.

My sponsors are Birdhouse skateboards, Emerica, Ricta, Droors and Pharmacy Boardshop.

Are you gonna go practice your 900s now?

Yes. I'm gonna go practice my 900s.

Comments

cooter
12 Mar 2007, 21:24

yer a fag!