Louie Barletta Interview - chrisnieratko.com

Louie Barletta Interview

I’d like to start by congratulating you. When exactly did you and Ali Boulala give birth to Ritchie Jackson?

Oh. You suck. It must have been when me and Ali were blacked out somewhere. I don’t like these questions.

That was only the first question.

I don’t want to see any similarities between me and Ritchie Jackson. How’s that for an answer?

Are you nervous that if you don’t keep getting coverage they’ll slip him right onto Enjoi and slide you right out?

I have no fucking answer for that. Does anyone care? You’re going to print this and people are going to start caring about him and I’m going to be categorized with him.

Remember that one time you went to jail for me? That was awesome, right?

You like that? What I do for my so-called-situational friends. Asshole. I don’t even remember how it even started but I know the end result was you had serious outstanding warrants and I didn’t have any in that state so I decided that I would take the fall for you and I went to jail and now I can’t go back there.

What was it like filming for The Storm?

It was cool but I never got D3s that quite fit very well and that’s why I started looking around at Sketchers and Bizzo and Two Fish to check my options.

Are you, like the rest of the world, surprised Duffs is still in business?

Well, let’s just say I cash my checks at Western Union every time I get them. I want my money right now. I don’t fuck around with that. No, actually I went to China and spaced out on cashing my check and it was over 90 days that passed and they reissued me a new one. Dwindle doesn’t do that. They’re like, “WOO HOO! He didn’t cash it! That’s it! We got one over on him!” So Duffs is on top of it; it’s pretty sick.

What’s your favorite STD you’ve ever had?

Funny you should mention that, last night I took a piss and I looked down and there was snot coming out of my wang. It didn’t burn or anything so I don’t know what’s going on there. But it was cool because when I pulled it out it was like when you pull snot out of your nose and you can feel it in the back of your brain, that’s how it felt but it was coming from my nads. I pissed four times today and hoped a Gremlin would come out or something awesome but nothing happened. I think what happened yesterday was I slammed a bunch of these Glucosamine Chondroitin pills, it’s if you sprain your ankle, it’s supposed to help you heal faster. And I thought, ‘If it says take two, I’m going to take ten and my ankle will be better in three days instead of two weeks.’ So I think slamming all of those and not drinking very much water had something to do with it. I don’t think I’d call it an STD.

Your sprained ankle is trying to come out your pecker?

Exactly.

You used to not shower for a week, hump girls, then rub your ball-gross on your hand and shake people hands. Do you still do that?

Why? Did you just hear about a story? Yes, I still do. I can’t help it. I’m an evil bastard.

Are you going to be over cardigans now that every brand is doing a cardigan for fall?

You know how shitty that is? My first photo in a magazine I had a buzzcut with lime green hair and I was wearing a hoody and I remember when the photo came out I was like, “Oh my God. I look like every other dickweed in this magazine.” I never wore a hoody ever again; strictly cardigans. Now, I open up a magazine today and there’s two clothing ads with cardigans and another photo of a dude skating with a cardigan and I’m like, “Great, now I look like every fucking dude out there again.” I might have to switch my steez up. Maybe I’ll see what’s up with some of that gear that Ritchie Jackson wears.

Maybe try some swishy pants?

I still have some friends over at Osiris, do you think they might still have some of that S.A.G. Gear? The Smolik Athletic gear? At my grandma’s house I might still have a pair of forest green Blind pants with a size 52 waist. Hey, I’ve been writing a rap. Do you want to hear a little bit of it? I know you do. I want my voice altered to where I sound like The Chipmunks but here it is, “Yo, it’s Louie’s turn to rock the mic / let me tell you a little story about Saturday night / I skated to the bar /and it’s not that far…” and just talking about my whole night at the bar. There’s one point where I go to the bathroom and piss—

Don’t tell me about it. Rap it to me.

The rap is too long. I’ll give you a couple more lines though. “I feel like I’m pissing all day / and then I start to sway / so I lean my head on the wall / so I won’t even fall.” But I don’t have an ending to it yet.

The parts you have don’t need any work, trust me.

What I have for the end is like, “One more drink and I’m on the floor / next thing I know I’m being out the door.” And then I can’t think of anything after that. What happens next? That’s where it gets really grey for me.

You recently went to China. Did you reenact any scenes from Fully Flared?

I know one night Caswell and I got really drunk and I was fully flaring in my room; just letting the kit hang.

Did you ever, you know, gay off with the Enjoi Brigade?

Hmm. Umm, umm, hmmm.

I’ll take that as a definite maybe.

Hey, there’s only one way to get on the team and thank God I was one of the first ones on because the bar has been raised, if you know what I mean. It’s getting stiffer and stiffer to get on the team. You might have to ask Weiger about that one.

Why didn’t you just retire after Bag of Suck?

I don’t want to be like Brian Lotti and go out all-awesome. I want to be like McGill and never go away. I’m waiting for my Tech Deck ad to come out. Do you think I should have retired?

No. I just loved Bag of Suck and I don’t know how you can top it.

Right after the video came out I was driving with Mark Whitely and I told him I was thinking I wanted to quit skating professionally and going out with that as my last video part and Mark flat out told me I couldn’t quit. Then I made him promise me that as soon as my career started going down hill he’d have to tell me.

Did he wait five minutes and then tell you your career was going down hill?

Bastard! No, but every time I see him I ask him, “Am I doing ok? Am I still in there?” and now with this Ritchie Jackson thing, damn it, he’s going to take me out. Here today, gone tomorrow. Good thing I’ve been saving up all those Duffs checks. I want to buy a house but all I can afford is the cardboard box a stove comes in.

Is there still something left that you want to fastplant before you retire?

What? I thought I was the Sal-flipper. Goddamnit! Why can’t people say I have the best hardflips in the business? Or a signature kickflip? No, I get the airwalk and the Sal-flip. Rad, thanks skateboarding. I’m glad skating has a short attention span. I don’t want to be that old guy in the park next week and some kid say, “You used to be Louie Barletta! Do an airwalk!”

Comments

Curtiss Willaby
16 Mar 2009, 18:03

i love the way louie skates
bag of suck was excelent
my frist deck was the orange one with the buble gum girl
i hope he never stop skating

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