Back in January I went out to Redman's Skateshop in Staten Island, The Richmond Hood Company, to make a funny interview with him. I then rushed home and worked very hard to get it edited and ready for the 24-Hour Jackass Take Over of MTV in February so those guys might have something funny and new to air on MTV. They opted not to use the footage and rather just show some Jackass footage from years past. Oh well. Here it is... 5 months later.
Spring time has me feeling like a little butterfly about to break out of its coconut. All sorts of crazy ch-ch-changes are happening around me. We’re working on a 3rd NJ Skateshop. And this morning I went to a sperm bank to get my juice tested to see if my boys are the problemo in our inconception and ultimately the proof that Crissie needs to show any judge or jury that she made a big mistake marrying me. Can you get a marriage annulled after two years? The sperm bank was surprisingly boring in its decor. I would have expected some festive colors to get the blood flowing. Instead everything was a bland shade of tan. They did have sexy 80s get-it-on R&B piping in through the speakers. I felt like I was in an old porno as I made my way down to my super-duper Costanza bathroom. With Crissie. I brought her. Yeah. When I set up the appointment I asked the lady if I could bring my wife. She said, “Of course, you’ll have a private room for you both.” Crissie was embarrassed. I was not. I figured I’d masturbate on Monday anyway; who cares if its there or at home? So yeah. Shot the stuff in the cup and sent it to the lab. I’ll let you know what they say. If it’s good. If it’s bad…let’s not talk about this ever again, ok?
On an unrelated note, with no possibility for a smooth transition… my grandmother, or Avo in Portuguese, is 78 years old and she has never been in a pool or the ocean. An uncle of hers drowned trying to save his child back in Portugal (he managed to save the child), and she has been afraid ever since. But somehow Crissie got her to get in the pool at our gym and start taking classes with all the other old ladies. And she loves it. But she won’t let go of the wall. So I have started taking the class with her and the other old ladies. I hold my Avo by the waist and she suddenly has the confidence to move about the pool little by little. I’m quite proud of her and it’s inspiring to be able to combat your fears at that age. It’s a great feeling seeing her so psyched and to catch the old ladies checking out my HOT BOD.
Lastly I’m proud to announce that after 5 years of business NJ Skateshop finally has a functioning website. We gave in and begged Ed, the web dungeon master of this site, to help us. In the past we would give stoner 16-year-olds skateboards to help us but then they’d get too stoned and forget to do anything. Or we’d have our friend Brian Anthony do minor repairs but he has a real job. That actually pays. Because, you know, we don’t. So yeah, things are happening over here. What have you been up to? Nothing? Oh. Did I tell you I’m thinking of bidding on a 1970 Chevy C-10 pick up on eBay? I know I told someone. Dompierre I think it was because he loves Chevys too.
Tight logo
Remember Costanza's private bathroom?
$12.95? You over paid.
They could have been somebody... They could have been a contender.
VHS? Come on... Seriously?
Avo has never been in a pool before
Avo off the wall...
Addidas Tim O'Connor Roast Hosted by Chris Nieratko
Spring time has me feeling like a little butterfly about to break out of its coconut. All sorts of crazy ch-ch-changes are happening around me. We’re working on a 3rd 
