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 I have a serious desire to make pin-up calendars. I’ve been telling my wife for years that one day I’m going to quit all this writing nonsense and become the greatest girly calendar photographer of the modern age. Ever since we opened our second store, NJII, in New Brunswick, NJ, home of Rutgers University, I’ve been dying to do a Girls of The Scarlet Nights calendar. With a 30,000+ person student body it shouldn’t be that difficult to find 12 gals willing to pose in their knickers for my calendar. Have you ever seen the Supreme calendars that Terry Richardson shot? Those are lovely.
Truth be told, my dream calendar would be The Girls of the New Jersey Turnpike Toll Booths. Have you ever seen some of the ladies that take tickets on the Turnpike? Mmmmm. They have them in all shapes and sizes and I would love to photograph them all: tall, small, fat, skinny, black, white and otherwise. Every time I find myself on the Turnpike paying to get off I say to myself, “She would make a perfect Ms. June.” Or, “She has some meat on her bones, she’d be perfect to cuddle up to in the dead of winter. Hello, Ms. December!”
Last Friday Vice set it up that Lesley Arfin and I went to the New York Book Expo (the biggest book expo in the country) to promote our books, Dear Diary and Skinema, at the Powerhouse Books booth.
 I wasn’t sure what to expect. I have been to my share of comic book and porn conventions, which attract a certain type of male that generally doesn’t see much daylight, and I assumed this would be much the same and I was rather excited. Deep rooted fans of anything are always a fun time to talk to. Sadly, Book Expo wasn’t the Nerd Fest 2000 that I had hoped it would be. It was more of an industry event, full of shirts and ties and half-hearted handshakes. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I was just hoping to see some folks dressed as some of their favorite literary characters. Moby Dick anyone? Where’s The Raven?
So I did the only thing I know how to do well, I drank and dreamt of women naked. Each and every gal that passed our table was secretly auditioned and occasionally cast for my Girls of the Book Expo Calendar. I’ll be honest most women in attendance wouldn’t make the cut as Ms. Neveruary. But there were a few, as you see here, that I wouldn’t mind reading a bedtime story to. I mean, photographing in a totally professional manner for a tasteful calendar. If any of the featured calendar girls are interested, my services are only a call away. If not, I will keep my sights focused on the tollbooths were they belong.
Heart,
Chris
P.S. The girl in the striped shirt found the story in Skinema where I truly believed I had AIDS amusing. Not sure if that’s good or bad.
Nerd Love
Derrickkk, Lesley, Jacob were over me
I gave free moustache tattoos
Lesley's parts
The new Gavin McInnes
Janette Beckman is a hot tamale
Maria!
Tami!
Lollipop!
Product placement
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