Jub Interview - chrisnieratko.com

Jub Interview

[ photos by hutchison portraits by anderson ]

So, you're one of those straight-edge kooks, huh

Hell, yeah. I've been my entire life. I've never drank I've never even tried to drink or smoke or do drugs or nothing.

Why, are you scared?

No, I'm definitely not scared. My upbringing, I suppose

What's wrong with your upbringing?

Nothing's wrong with my upbringing. My mother was an alcoholic and a drug addict.

Oh, what drugs did she do?

All that I can think of that existed at the time, I think.

Did your mom used to smoke crack?

i'm not sure. I don't know the exacts.

Do you think she sucked some penises for crack?

I have no idea. I've seen the bad parts of drugs and alcohol and stuff.

Did she ever used to mainline in front of you?

No, not that I know of.

Did she used to do lines of coke in front of you?

I dont really remember too much stuff when I was that young. She pretty much peaced out when I was about five. She look off after my sister was born.

She went to the store and never came back?

Yeah, pretty much.

How did it feel when your mommy left you?

I was pretty stoked 'cause it was bad. Like, how good could if be?

Did she beat you with wire coat hangers?

Man, she burned my fingers on the stove. I'm just joking. No, the house would be a wreck, and my dad was trying to work and make money. So I was just stoked.

Why didn't your dad smack her around a little bit, show her who's boss?

He tried to get shit in line, but a person's gonna do what they're gonna do.

Was he just a pussy like you?

I ain't no pussy. Hell, no.

You have very soft and wet hands.

I'm sensitive, but that's about it.

You look awfully sensitive in all your photos.

Do I? I can't get around It.

You seem very fashion-conscious. Does your wife pick out your outfits before you go skating?

Oh, definitely not. I'd be wearing some fucking bunk-ass shit. It's just that I'm fucking hot, what am I going to say?

It looks like you're getting ready for school pictures before you go to skate.

No, I'll throw on a nice sweater for a photo.

What's funny is, why did we get more cutesy portrait photos than skate photos over here?

I was hurt this summer for pretty much the whole summer, and I was just sitting there stewing. I'm like, Chris, let's take some portraits, and I'll look at them, then figure out who I'll send ttiem to. Like, should I send them to '84, the Label, like figure out which ones go to which companies. That way I'll be on file for portrait.

Instead we got all of them.

Apparently.

So why do you feel that you have to be one of those straight-edge dudes that like preaches straight-edge shit?

I definitely don't preach it. I could give a fuck what anybody does.

You color an X on your hand when you go skating.

No, dude, I'm stoked on it. I think there's a whole wave of kids out there that are like me.

Weirdos?

Yeah, definitely. There's weirdos and dorks that are out there like me that I think might be stoked to see that. I would have been stoked when I was a kid. There's really not anyone else out there. [Jason] Maxwell's the only other dude out there that I can think of.

How many straight-edge tattoos do you have?

Let me think—two. I got my first one when I just turned 18, and, dude, it's fucking horrible. It's a band of X's that go around my wrist. It's so busted. It doesn't even meet up in certain spots correctly. Then I've got these typewriter X's on the back of my elbow. And that's it.

I heard you Just quit team vegan.

Yeah, dude, I was over it.

How long were you one of those?

Probably like five or six years. You go on tour and shit, and there's not even one dude on Black Label that's vegetarian. You got Gilly, he'll eat a fuckin' live cow. Everybody's like, "Let's go to Steak King and Denny's." And I'm sitting there with a bowl of rice that I got at a Chinese joint down the street. I'd just be all bummed. So that's one reason when I go out and about on tours and shit. When I go home to eat, I'm like, yeah, I'll have a Boca burger. I just got sick of eating the same shit. I ate pizza for the first time the other night.

Did you cum in your pants?

No, it was good. It was exactly what I remember It being. But I have to be conscience of my weight now. When I was hurt I gained like 15 pounds.

You think you're stuck being an am for life?

I hope not. It's pretty much the story of my life. Fuckin' last kid picked at dodge ball kind of shit. But I'm used to it by now. No, I think I can have a chance still. My knee's getting better now. I havent skated for about two weeks, and it's feeling pretty good.

Who the fuck named you Jub? Is that your real name?

No, it's obviously not my real name. What could possibly mean Jub, it's fucking nothing.

Well, your mom's a fucking crack whore, maybe she named you Jub, i don't know.

I don't know. Me and like five other dudes were skating, and we went back to the trailer park, and we were hanging out, and we got pizza—this is like way long time ago—one dude goes to say my real name, it comes out as Jub. And from then on, it's been it. And there's no cool story behind it. Because everybody always asks, "Why the fuck's your name Jub?" But that's it. It means nothing.

Are you allowed to reveal your secret identity?

Fuck, dude, would Batman give that shit up? Hell, no!

You look like the kind of kid that used to get beat up a lot when he was younger.

No, dude, I got in a scrap or two. Like the only legit fight I got into, I won. So you can fuckin' shove it up your ass.

I heard you got left at the swamp.

I got picked on quite a bit, it ain't no lie. I moved around a lot when I was a kid. I lived with my grandma and grandpa in Union Lake, Michigan. It was upper-middle class, and I'm the kid rocking the K-Mart plastic shoes. Like the ones, after a week they crack in the toe. I'm rockin' those and the Rustler's and being punk with the bowl haircut. Every kid had a nice bike and fuckin' all this shit And I was like obviously going to get made fun of, you know? I'd hang out with the kids when they'd hang out with me, but there was those days when they were like, 'There's other people to hang around, so we're not hanging around with you."

That must have been depressing.

Oh, yeah. We'd always hang around this swamp. And I got all my brand-new school gear on. The brand-new K-Mart shoes, the brand-new Rustlers, the whole kit. We found this gutter off a house, and we put it up to this stump that goes about like 20 feet onto this other stump. So they're like, who's gonna go out there? I'm like, "I'll go," 'cause I'm trying to be cool so they'll like me. I go out to the stump, and all of a sudden, boom. They pull the gutter back. I'm like, "Oh, okay, you got me." And they all just left. And then it got dark as fuck, and I'm out there just crying, just so bummed. I'm like, what do I do? Do I jump off and go through the swamp and get my school shit wrecked, and then my dad's pissed, or do I sit there until the next day until someone decides to show up? So I just jumped in and walked across. My dad was so bummed. He probably realized his kid was a dork.

Didn't you Jerk off in your wife's socks?

Oh, my God. I hope her parents dont read this. Yes. I did all my laundry, so I had nothing to jerk off into. Her sock was chilling, so I used her sock. I'm thinking she'll never know. I throw it back in her laundry. Who the fuck pulls out their laundry basket and puts one item of clothing in the wash at a time? So she touches her sock, and It was crusty, and she called me on it, "Did you use my sock to jerk off on?" So bummed.

Why do you need something to jerk off Into?

Well, you got to clean up.

You never heard of something called paper towels?

Dude, a waste of paper. My underwear are right next to me. I just do it in my underwear and throw 'em in the dirty clothes and then contaminate the rest of my wash with nut.

Were you wearing the sock while you were doing it?

No. You would do that.

No, I catch my shit in a damn tissue.

I don't catch, dude, I just wax the chest with it. I bet everybody does that.

Everybody doesn't do that.

Dude, I'm concentrating. I'm not worried about catching it.

So you aim for you own chest?

I just shoot it back on myself. Your dick points up.

Do you like the way it feels when it hits your chest?

You can't feel it. It's the same body temperature.

Do you ever try to shoot it in your mouth?

Hell, no. I don't have that kind of projectile anyway. That's Melch. Melch is fucked up. He'll put a straw in his dick and blow his dick up. Then squeeze it. It makes like a fart.

Let's go back to your crack-whore mom.

You're loving that, aren't you?

I've never talked to somebody that had a crack-whore mom.

I shouldn't have said anything. It's gone from my mother had a drug problem to fucking crack-whore mom. Oh, you're a cocksucker.

You think her leaving you is what made you kind of the mousy little straight-edge boy you are today?

I'm not mousy and timid. Maybe a little. But it's definitely had an effect. How could it not? It's made me who I am. I'm proud of who I am, I like it. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe I'd be a super-big drug addict if I didn't have a mom like that.

Do you think when you get real big as a skateboarder, and you're making millions of dollars, your mom's gonna come back?

No, unless she was resurrected in pet cemetery or something. She's dead.

How'd she'd die? Shooting heroin into her eyeball?

No, you know, I don't really know the cause of her death. I'm assuming it's just hard life. I don't think she died of any specific overdose. I really didn't know her, so I just got news that she died when I was around 20. She probably Just drank herself to death or something.

Were you happy that she was dead?

No, not happy. I pretty much didn't care, to be honest with you. That may suck to say that, but I didn't know her. She was a stranger.

I don't know if my old man's dead, but if I found out he died, I'd be happy about it.

Really? I just didn't really know her. My dad told me, "Are you okay with this? Yeah, you know, I don't care, really.

You didn't go to make sure she was dead?

No. She might as well been dead all those years, it wasn't like she was doing me any good those years that she was alive.

You have any desire to go piss on her grave?

No, I do not have any desire to go piss on her grave.

Do you think if you started doing heroin, the first place you shot up was your mother's grave?

That would be a good place to start, wouldn't it?

We're gonna wrap this up. Do you have any positive, uplifting, straight-edge message to the kids? No.

Don't you want to say don't do drugs, don't drink?

Tobacco is whacko. No, fuck. If kids are out there, and they're straight-edge, they're stoked anyway. I don't need to be a fucking spokesperson for it.

When you die would you like to be nailed to the X?

No, I'd like to be cremated. My wife's pretty upset about that. She wants to be buried, and I want to be cremated. She's like, "I don't want to be cremated, and I want to be buried next to you." And I'm like, "Well, I don't want to be taking up some land somewhere that could be used for something, you know. Like a playground or something."

Yeah, they're gonna put a playground next to a bunch of tombstones, buddy.

No, I'm just saying. Like if there were no cemeteries. I mean, sure there has to be cemeteries, but look how much land cemeteries take up. If you could just burn a person or dump them in a river that they're stoked on. Plus, I don't want to have people looking at my dead body. And worms crawling through my skull and shit. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

You know what you do to convince her?

What?

Tell her she could put a little bit of your ashes on a spoon with some water and cook it up with a lighter. Then put it in a needle and shoot it into her arm so you guys could be together forever.

Oh, that's hot. Yeah, that's hot. Junkie romance. She'd be like, "Are you retarded?"

You could say, "But my mommy would have done It."

Oh, God. You're fucking lovin' that.

Why don't you Just tell me your sponsors.

My sponsors are Black Label—what's the marijuana paper company?

Zig Zags.

Yeah, one of them. No, Black Label, Independent, Emerica, Iron Horse Grip Tape, Revolution Wheels, 1984 Clothing, Speed Metal Bearings. Oh, can I say how much I love my wife?

Yeah, sure.

Comments

nieratkoisgay
30 Sep 2008, 20:22

why is it that this interviewer chris, is such a fag to every one he interviews. he really fucked up chris cole's career. hes such a fag.