Jeremiah Babb Interview - chrisnieratko.com

Jeremiah Babb Interview

[ photo by hutchison ]

Why are you so ugly?

I'm not ugly, dude, I'm sexy.

You look kind ot fucked up.

Well, I have a big nose and gapped theeth, but that adds personality. You thought I was ugly the other night?

Is it possible that you look so fucked up because you are from the backwoods and your mom and dad were brother and sister?

No, it wasn't, dude. I swear.

Where you from?

Jones County, Georgia.

Hey, so what does your dad think about the way you dress?

He doesn't really approve of it. That's all I'm going to say. I'm not falling into that trap. I heard what you guys do.

What trap is that?

Some trap I read about, and everybody got pretty pissed off about it.

The "nigger" trap?

I'm not going to say it, dude. I don't know. It's just like with the hats and stuff, like the beanies. I mean, he's from like a small town, and it's like, that's the way he grew up, so they think beanies are for hoodlums and robbers and stuff. Those guys are crazy out there.

Does he ever tell you to whiten up?

No, he doesn't. He says he doesn't like it. I go, "All right," and then I just go on my way I guess.

When it gets cold out do yous guys burn crosses?

This is totally fueked, man. I'm not a racist, and my parents aren't racist. We don't burn crosses. But in Cob County there's still a big KKK thing going on.

I heard you're illiterate.

I'm illiterate? Oh, my God, dude. Oh, yeah, the "aroganamous," is that what it was?

What?

You know how you have those Cracker Barrel-like triangle things, and you play the things, and if you only get three [pegs] or if you leave three or four or something you're an ignoramus, but I was all tired and stuff, and I was like, "Dude, I'm a fuckin' aroganamous." And everybody was like, "Oh, you're a fucking dipshit."

What's an aroganamous?

It's an ignoramus, dude. I just can't spell. It's the way they spelled it on the thing. I couldn't read it right.

Is it true that you used to have to go to speech class when you were a little kid?

Yeah, I got my R's and W's mixed up.

You used to talk like Elmer Fudd?

I guess so, man. Whenever there was an R it was a W to me.

So you'd say "wabbit?"

Yeah.

Would you say "wetard?"

Yeah. Whatever started with an R was a W. Wead. Wainy outside.

So, I heard you work at Smoothie King.

Yeah, I just started this week. It's smoothies, man. It's like hippie health shit. All these big muscle dudes come in. It's just like a GNC kind of place. They sell proteins and vitamins and shit, and then they have these little fruity drinks and stuff.

Are you a Smoothie King?

Nah. It's supposed to be good for you, man, but I don't really think it is. I think it's just a bunch of bullshit, really. It makes me really feel dumb when they're like, "What's the lowest carb drink you have?" I'm like, "I don't know, man." I've only started this week, so I'm new to all this health stuff.

How many days did you work there before you stuck your dick in a smoothie?

I thought about doing it today because the manager pissed me off. He keeps yelling at me in front of people. He kind of makes me look embarrassed. And here I am, 23, this kid's like 20, and he's scolding me. Like, he yelled at me today because I didn't put enough drops of honey in a smoothie That was about the time I almost stuck my dick in a smoothie.

Do you ever get any hot chicks coming there?

No. Tons of gay dudes though. Holy shit, man. There is so much gayness in that store.

What's a gay dude's favorite-flavored smoothie?

Oh, geez, they always get the Muscle Punch Plus.

What's that?

That's what all the dudes get because they think it builds their muscles up. Or either the Immune Builder and that's the funniest one because when you think of immune, you think of AIDS and shit, and you're just like, these guys are dying of AIDS, the smoothies aren't going to save 'em.

That's funny.

Did Andrew tell you about my speech problem? That was pretty shitty, because do you know what Andrew was born with? He was born yellow, pigeon-toed and with a speech impediment too.

Yellow?

He was a yellow baby.

Oh, man, both of yous guys are retards.

But he came out yellow with pigeon feet so he had to wear like corrective shoes, and then he walked around with a fuckin' speech impediment and pigeon feet and he's trying to clown me?

Yeah, but you look like a pigeon.

The bird nose is sexy, man. That's what the gay guys tell me at Smoothie King anyway.

Other than Smoothie King, what are your sponsors?

I get flow from Santa Cruz and Krux and Sessions Clothing and Halos bearings.

Comments

Habeeb
24 Nov 2009, 00:02

?michel jacson...كشميري