Jeff Ott Interview
[ photo by andrew hutchison ]
 So, you're all into like politics and shit, huh?
Yeah, most days.
What kind do you like the most?
I don't know if I like any of them really. Which doesn't keep me from engaging most of my mental energy in it. The only thing politically that really appeals to me at all is the concept of not having an organization bigger than four, five or six thousand people, I guess.
Do you know Dave Carnie?
That sounds farmiliar, who is that?
He's real big into politics too. You might have seen him at one of your rallies. Do you go to a lot of rallies?
Yeah, sometimes.
Do you get Political Bearded Guy Quarterly?
No.
Yeah, he does a lot of writing for that.
Okay.
He's not into SUV's, are you into SUV's?
No.
Yeah, yous guys would be an awesome couple.
Okay.
Do you view yourself as a hippie?
No.
That's what Dave said, and he's so bleeding heart.
Eh, huh.
Do you look at yourself as a bleeding heart?
No.
What are some otherthings that you boycott?
That I boycott?
Yeah. Do you boycott deodorant? And Nikes?
I generally wear Converse. But they got bought by Nike, huh?
Oh, shit, you're a traitor.
Didn't they just get bought by Nike a while ago?
Do you look like a mountain man?
No.
Dave looks like a mountain man. I thought that was like what you had to look like when you're all revolutionary and shit.
Like a mountain man?
Yeah, all Che Guevara.
No. I think that Che Guevara's look was based on the fact that--
He was a hippie.
Well, he was constantly going from here to there and not stopping to take care of himself too much.
I think that's what Dave does, I think Dave has so many protest schedules in a week that he doesn't have time to shave.
Could be. Now, where I live there is nothing like that at all.
Did you move to the woods to start a militia?
Well, no, not the woods. I just kept moving north until I could afford to live somewhere, that's where I ended up.
What's your favorite anti-war poster that you've made?
Poster?
Yeah, don't you do that?
No, I don't make posters.
What do you do? Just use a bullhorn?
No, bullhorn, no.
Have you ever thrown a dead fish at someone in a fur jacket?
A dead fish at someone in a fur... no.
Do you throw rocks at McDonald's every time you drive by one?
No.
What are you going to protest once I get off the phone with you?
What am I gonna protest? I'm not. I'm going to study.
You're a lazy protester.
There is no protesting here, trust me.
When was the last time you got your protest on?
Maybe like in February, over the impending invasion.
Were you against the invasion of Iraq?
Of course. Why am I against the invasion of Iraq?
In two words or less.
Infanticide. How's that? That's one.
But war's fun, look how it makes people forget.
Well, as a spectator sport, it's fun, I guess.
All you really need to say to the American public is, "We've won," and that makes everybody happy.
Isn't that kinda really three words if you don't abbreviate we've?
Well, I abbreviated it, Mr. Counterpants.
Okay.
And that's a good feeling for America to have, winners.
I suppose.
So, now you're into the war?
No.
Come on, just a little bit?
No.
How 'bout now?
No. The problem is, if I would've gotten laid off before the war, it might've distracted me from being laid off, but they had the war, and then I got laid off, so it didn't really work for me.
How 'bout if you got laid as a result of the war, would you have been into it?
How's that gonna work?
Like, some chick at the bar is like, "You into war, because I am, and I'll fuck you if you are," and then you were like, "Duh, totally."
I'd have to go to a bar first.
What, you only drink on the message boards?
No, I tend to avoid places where people smoke and it's inside.
Do you protest them?
No, but I get a sinus infection if I go into a room where there's smoke.
Do you ever pull out one of those fold-out sings that inflates immediately as soon as you see someone smoking that says, "smoke out your ass not outta your face?"
No.
You ever get any protest ass?
Protest what?
Ass.
Explain.
You know, like, "Ohhhh, you're a protester, i'm a protester, let's fuck."
No.
I thought all you hippies love that shit.
I wouldn't know about that.
Do you even protest anything?
Not most days, no.
What're you, one of those silent protesters?
No, I live in a country that probably has less human beings than on your block.
Oh, you're protesting human beings?
No, I'm protesting a lack of human beings. In fact, the town I live in has more turkeys than people.
You should organize them to rise up.
I don't want 'em to rise up, I wanna keep them just in case they stop delivering food.
It's almost Thanksgiving, now will be the time to get 'em motivated.
I want them unmotivated, I want them to feel safe. I want them to feel like I can walk up there with my pellet gun and hang out there, and they have nothing to fear.
I really haven't figured out what you stand for, as a result of this interview.
Here's what I wanna know -- you're here from the skateboarding magazine. Why has the world skateboarding community tolerated not being in the Olympics over the last 30, 40 years?
We don't wanna be in the Olympics.
Why's that?
Dave Carnie, he told everybody not to do it, so everybody listens to what he says.
I see.
He's like a cult figure. Whatever he boycotts, everyone else follows.
Right.
I really think anything that brings people together shold be boycotted.
Right.
Not the other way around. Fuck peace. I say, constant war, war all the time.
Right.
Like I said, it gives America a good, lucky, winning feeling. It's like Zest. War is the new soap. How's that?
All right.
What're you gonna do now, protest me Jeff?
No, but you should market war soap. That'd be awesome, have little limbs and body parts in it and shit.
Yeah, and it stains your hands blood red.
That'd be awesome.
Of course it would be. I thought of it.
Comments
maddin
10 Oct 2007, 05:20
fuck thats hilarious!
"i thought of it"
hahahahaha
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