Gary Collins Interview
[ photo by hutchison ]
What are we going to talk shit about today, Gary?
Whatever you want.
Talk about all the pros that you hate.
I just hate everybody that's boring. I'm not going to say
no names. People already know if they are boring or not.
What about companies and their images that you
don't like?
I don't like many of them.
Suddenly Gary ain't got shit to say.
Oh, I got a lot to say, but why should I shit talk? People
probably don't like me either. They probably think I'm
a dick.
Why the fuck are you still living in Cincinnati?
I like it here. It's fun to skate here, there is a lot of hills,
and I just grew up here. All my friends are here and shit.
I might move for a little bit, but I will probably always
come back.
Why do they call Spaggetios "chili" in Cincinnati?
You must be confused. You don't like the Cincinnati chili?
You're trippin'. It's unique.
You just had the riots there in fucking Cincinnati.
How was that?
I was in New York the whole time. I heard they were kind
of sketchy. The cops were killing a lot of black people.
Like they have killed 15 or something in the last five
years. So people were just breaking out windows, and I
guess some people were getting beat up and shit for
being white.
But don't they have a Ku Klux Klan rally every year
in downtown Cincinnati?
Maybe. They put up a Ku Klux Klan cross on the square
at Christmastime. People knock it over all the time.
People get arrested for knocking it over and shit. By
black cops.
What's with the photo of you and a dude in fucking
Speedos saying, "I am proud to be gay"?
I was just standing outside this college, and my friend
Andrew took a photo and made it look like I was right
next to that dude. But really I was nowhere near him.
That guy is funny though, man. He is always there. He
just stands out there, and he looks like a robot. He does
these little motions holding his sign and waving a sign
back and forth.
Why does Ohio have the dirtiest skaters in America?
Ohio? I don't know.
You don't know shit, Gary!
I know, I don't know anything. I am going to sound like a
shithead.
Is that how you want to sound?
I don't know.
You don't know if you even want to sound like a
shithead?
Maybe. I'm going to look like a shithead either way
probably.
Okay, just tell some fucking retarded story.
Okay. One time we were at the nude bowl, and the
crazy Mexican guy came up there. He was like throwing
rocks in the pool while we were skating, and we were
like, this dude's fucking crazy, and we told him to quit
throwing rocks or whatever, and he started talking about
what all these pistols would do to skulls like. "What do
you think a 9mm would do to a skull?" And he was
fucking freaking us out. Then he gave us this paper
when he was leaving, and it was some prison-release
thing. Like I guess he was just some fucking crazy-ass
dude. That was right before somebody got stabbed up
there, and they filled it in. He was crazy as fuck! I guess
that desert sun got to him or something.
Did your mom have to beat your ass when you were
a little kid?
Nah, well, kind of, yeah. I was kind of a punk. I guess.
Did you ever put a teacher in the hospital in high
school?
I never did anything fucked up like that. I didn't go to
high school that much.
Did you drop out?
Yeah.
How old were you when you did that?
Old enough to graduate. I was a fucking senior.
You dropped out when you were a senior?
Yeah, that's real dumb, huh? I couldn't deal with it. I was
going on trips, going skating and shit, and my mom
would write me notes to say I was sick, and I guess I
admitted to the dean that I wasn't sick. I told him I went
to Chicago, and he got pissed and tried to expel me. So
I was like, that's cool, whatever, I quit.
Did you get your GED right away?
Yeah, I took it like a week after that. That shit's real easy.
Do you think a monkey could pass it?
Dude, I could have passed that shit like in the sixth
grade probably. It's real easy.
But could a monkey pass it?
Maybe.
Do you think you are as smart as a monkey?
Monkeys are pretty smart.
How about an armadillo?
I am not sure how smart they are.
Do you think an armadillo could pass the GED?
Probably.
So, you are about as smart as an armadillo?
Yeah, I could live with that.
You don't want to sound like a total shithead, so you
should probably thank some people.
All right, I guess I'll thank Alan and everybody at
Consolidated, Justin at Sessions, Sharky at Kruks and
those good people at Anonymous Skateshop.
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