EL-P Interview
[ photo by maya hayuk ]
 Remember me at all? I used to be skinny.
No.
I made the mistake once of saying you looked fat in a photo.
I don't remember that.
I was hoping that maybe you would remember that I called you fat.
Nope.
Do you think I look fat now?
You know man, I really don't care.
Well, do you think I look fat?
Do I think you look fat? I don't... I really don't... uh..no. I don't think you look fat. No.
Okay, thanks. I heard you have been on an ecstasy / strip-club kick lately.
Where'd you hear that?
I just made it up.
No, it's a luxury that I can rarely afford.
You're just ashin' on the floor?
Yeah. That's what I do.
Can I do that?
Yeah.
So, you're a white dude?
Yep.
How's that going for ya?
It's ok man, it's ok.
Does it make it hard doing rap music being a white dude?
This is the best fucking question you could come up with, man? Jesus Christ.
You think it sucks?
Now I remember you. Isn't that the last question you asked me in 1997.
Yeah.
Let's move on man, it's 2002.
Did you ever spend some time in Christiania?
I have spent time in Christiania. yes, it was to my dismay. I ate a couple of hash cookies. You ever seen the opening scene of Apocalypse Now? With Martin Sheen in the hotel room losing his mind? That was me. They were really, really strong, and I had two of them, just ate 'em, and then I smoked a shitload, and then they just kicked in. And it was during the time where it was like daytime out, but it was nighttime. I wasn't prepared.
Did you get in any fistfights over there?
I didn't get in any fistfights over there.
I got my fucking ass handed to me at that place.
That's never good. It's never good to be beaten by foreigners in a foreign land. You never had the advantage. It's a disorientation that comes with that. You're never gonna be able to win. You never know what the fuck is going on, and you never know who's there. You never know how many people are there. I don't know, man. Europeans are a little scary to me. Germans are scary to me.
Have you been in any fights?
It's been a while since I've actually let it get to that point, but I've definitely had to shut situations down where cats were acting stupid and just had to let them know that they could get beat down. On tour you get to a certain point where you don't care. It usually happens about the third week of a tour. And at that point I think most people can see the look in your eye and see that maybe it wouldn't be worth it. There's nothing worse than a destitute rapper who's been eating badly for three weeks and getting no sleep. We're a dangerous breed in that sense. Plus, our egos are huge and shit 'cause we've been doing shows. So we just feel like we can't lose anyway.
Did you ever shit on one of your friend's heads while they were sleeping?
No. I'm not on some Jackass shit.
On the more positive side of touring, do you get a lot of groupies? Or are most of them dudes with backpacks?
They're not dudes, there are a lot of women who are into what we do. When I was like 21 it was kind of like, get my hand on everything that came my way. I got to the point where I kinda started to feel like a slut. I had to question myself, like, "Why is it so easy to get in my pants?"
Have you never fucked a fat chick?
That's an interesting segue. I mean, I've had sex with girls that weren't skinny. But I haven't had sex with girls that would show up on fatchick.com internet site. I would say probably no.
Not even someone out of your weight class?
Well, I'm 190 pounds, it's kinda hard to find a girl who's 190 pounds and doesn't fit into the fat-chick catagory.
Would you ever fuck one of those bodybuilder chicks?
No. I would never fuck a bodybuilder. I enjoy the softness of the female anatomy. There's just something about really well-defined muscles on a woman that makes me uncomfortable.
How do you think you'd fair in one of those fistfights?
In a fistfight between me and a bodybuilding chick? I'd probably get my ass beat, definitely. I don't think there's any question about it. I'd be bloody.
I see you've got a chipped tooth, is there a good story behind it?
No, it's a pathetic story. It's a story that I wish was good. If I sum it up, it sounds kind of interesting, but then when I go into the details, it's just pathetic. What I tell people is that I chipped it skating, but the reality of it is that I just chipped it 'cause I was sitting on my skateboard, and it just fell out from underneath me, and my face hit the concrete.
Are you serious?
Yeah, sitting around with a bunch of my friends in like the seventh grade on our skateboards, and I shifted my weight, and it just slipped out from underneath me, and my face hit the concrete. Not that interesting or cool.
That's actually really cool.
Not really, man. It's cool to say I chipped it skating, then at least the allure is there, like, "Oh, maybe he was a real skater at one point." The reality is, I just had a skateboard and skated around the city. I was never any good. I could ollie, and not well.
No, but it's funny.
Well, it's the little things that I take pride in.
What other good questions should I ask you?
What makes you think you've asked any good questions?
Comments
AWESOME!
24 Aug 2007, 13:57
Keep them coming!
Luke Edwards
08 Oct 2007, 14:13
Ha! Chris is the best interviewer...so funny... this reminded me of all those hilarious Big Brother interviews.
pauly
14 Oct 2007, 04:34
God,i wish big brother mag was still around...
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