Hey remember that book tour I went on this summer? No? Me neither. Yet I have all these photos from San Diego, LA, SF, Portland and Hawaii to show you. So I’m sorry, but I’m going back in time. Doododoododododoooooo!
The year was 2007. It was a simpler time. Men wore women’s clothing and no one seemed to mind. I believe it was July and I’d just flown in from sexually harassing a bookstore employee in Austin and boy! Were my arms tired!
My friend Kevin Marks, owner of Overboard Enterprise, set up a “reading” at Overload Skateshop on University Ave and all my San Diego friends turned out. Mr. Tod Swank owner of Tum Yeto as well as Matt Barker and Amy Stobbe from Tum Yeto came out with girlfriend Lindsay and husband Mike (respectively), Kimmy McAtee owner of Pony Attack and our Zero and Mystery sales lady came out with her trouble maker friend, as well as a bunch of others who may or may not know karate. I was rather surprised to see so many old friends and the Colt 45 actually showing up for a change and I started to get cocky. I thought, ‘This is gonna be a cakewalk.’ Then 10 minutes in the crappy, ancient slide projector Vice gave me started smoking and then took a shit. After only the third date. I almost started crying. The crowd stared at me blankly and I stared right back at them. “What are you all looking at?” I asked. They insisted that I continue on with my stories. So I did my best, without the aid of the images. Then I said, “Who wants to go to the bar?” And so we did. But not before Kimmy got up and did some stand-up and urged the people to buy the book. “You’re suppose to tell them to buy your book,” she whispered to me. I whispered back to her in that loud Homer Simpson whisper, “I ALWAYS FORGET!”
I knew the day was jinxed when I ordered a beer and paid the bartender and the register came up that I was owed $6.66 in change. Then some creep tried to grab Amy and her husband Mike beat the piss out of him and walked him out using his head to clean off the bar and open the door. Wait. Was I there when that happened? Or did Amy just tell me that story? Either way, that happened to Amy once. I’m not sure if I was there or not. It probably wasn’t this summer because she was pregnant. Well, 1/2 pregnant.
I do remember Barker fell off his bike off a curb and cracked his skull and in his confused state I convinced him to extend his stay in Hawaii so he’d be there when Crissie and I were there. I also remember driving tuned up the wrong way to my hotel and getting lost and driving right passed a D.U.I. check point. My only saving grace was they had some other drunk already pulled over. If not, I’d be in jail for a month and the book tour would have ended abruptly. Then again that may have been a good thing for you. You wouldn’t have to sit here and read me struggling to remember what happened in my life six months ago. God. I really need to take better notes.
My friend Kevin Marks, owner of Overboard Enterprise, set up a “reading” at 
