Clark Hassler Interview - chrisnieratko.com

Clark Hassler Interview

[ photo by trinh ]

So, do you like, you know, hassle people and stuff?

Um...sometimes, if they get on my bad side. I just charge 'em like a bull, like, "Rahhh!"

Did you ever stab them in the stomach with your horn?

Sometimes, but I don't like how the blood dries on it. It's hard to clean.

Did you ever stick somebody with your horn, then throw 'em in the air and then maul them when they landed?

Nah, I don't.

Have you ever seen a girl naked?

Nah, just maybe a couple times.

Were you scared?

At first. Shaky, you know.

And then what did you do to stop from shaking, did you hug yourself?

No, just touched myself.

Hey, I was talking to somebody, and they said that you are a spaceship.

A spaceship? Whaaat? Yeah, like sometimes UFOs come down and shit, like, I'll fly with them, race 'em and shit. Like aliens, they want to see what I got, you know.

Is that fun?

It's fun, dude. Fuckin' they're crazy though. They get into these weird moods, and they want to, like, eat your flesh and shit.

Are they ever like, when you are driving and you don't want to hear a song, and then they want to hear the song, and they're like, "Don't change the song, 'cause if you change the song I'm going to hit you,'' but then you change the song, and then they don't hit you so you're like. "Fuck it," but then when you're not looking, they hit you?

Sometimes they hit you, like you're in your car and shit, and then, fuck, that song is coming on, and you're like, "Yes, yes," then these aliens, they come out of nowhere, like in the air you see 'em, and you're like, "Ah!" You crash and shit, it's crazy.

Your insurance must be high then.

It is, dude.

Someone told me you get lost all the time.

Hell yeah. Fuck, dude, like, I'll just be walking down the street, and then I'll turn around, and then it'll be like a forest to me or something.

Why don't you buy a map?

I don't believe in maps; maps guide you in the wrong direction.

Do you think maybe you are a big dummy?

Hmm...sometimes, but there is times when t feel kind of smart.

When do you feel kind of smart?

Like when my mom tells me, "Yeah, that was a good answer to that question."

That's awesome! I heard that you had a really good time with Louie Barletta in New York City.

Hell yeah, it was crazy, dude. We got wasted at this bar. and then next thing I knew, we were in this porno shop looking at dildos, I knocked some over on the ground, and then we went onto some corner, and fuckin' these black girls were coming up to us, you know. I wanted to see what was up, but their pimps chased us away and shit.

Why?

I don't know. I think I pulled out some money, and I was like flashing it around, and they were like, "On, shit, white boys with money."

Were they scared of you?

Nah, we were scared of them.

Did the guy in the store yell at you when you knocked all the dildos over?

I don't know, I was wasted.

Did you want to eat some of the dildos?

Nah, they didn't look too good.

Were you scared that if you had to kick one of the dildos into a field goal to win the Super Bowl that maybe you wouldn't be able to do it 'cause you are not a good kicker?

I think I could kick one pretty far.

How far?

Maybe a couple hundred feet.

You can kick a dildo a couple hundred feet?

Yeah, man. It's... yeah.

What about if it was a black one though?

I don't know, those things are heavy, that's what I've heard.

And they are big.

Big and heavy, yeah. Veiny and shit like a Snickers.

Is there something else I was supposed to ask you about?

Uh, damn, I don't know.

Do you like your sponsors?

They're cool.

Who are they?

Enjoi skateboarding, and what else? Fuck. I don't know. Myself, I just like to skate for myself, you know, like that's kind of a sponsor, right?

Are you on flow for yourself or---

Like, I kind of put myself on flow for myself, but then I saw my video, and I was like, hmmmm, maybe I shouldn't be on flow yet, you know? So I only give myself like a couple boards.

Is that it, is that all your sponsors?

Uh... I get some Shorty's Hardware and Darkstar Wheels, I think.

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