Beatnuts Interview - chrisnieratko.com

The Beatnuts Interview

So what's it like having a white manager?

The little Jew boy over there? Star boy, Paul Newman we call him. That nigga Paul Simon, that's his little cousin.

You ever take a shit and hear the phone ring and just run and get it and forget to wipe your ass?

I get up and get the phone, but I don't forget to wipe my ass. I forget to flush the toilet sometimes.

What if you're drunk?

I remember throwin' up and just stayin' there, layin' on your vomit, that's about it. Woke up in the vomit the next morning.

Ever date a girl with hairy armpits?

He got a bitch next door right now that got a hairy ass. She got hair all over. She's Israeli or somethin' like that. It's not like fur, it's just hairy. Her father was a bear or somethin'. She's definitely a pony.

What kind of function do you wear a waterproof suit to?

A freak function where there is gonna be a lot of liquor splashed around. A lot of niggas bustin' nuts all over the place, shit.

When all the hookers are walking around Times Square, did you ever try and pick up a hooker and accidentally pick up a dude?

The last time, I was here I picked up these two chicks, they was lookin' a little strange when they came in the room, but I just studied them for a little while. It turned out they was women. But I'm still not sure, I'm supposed to be callin' them, so I'm still investigating that. I didn't really get to take nothin' off, but it looked kinda soft and fluffy.

Have you ever been in a tight jam where there is no bathroom around and you had to shit in a cantaloupe?

Shit, I'd shit outside before I can't find a bathroom or somethin'.

What are some hard words for you to rhyme?

Scrotum. That's a hard word to rhyme. That's actually not a hard word. "Bloat 'em, hold 'em."

Either of you guys ever have any STD's?

Hell, yeah, Gonorreah. The most painful shit is when they stick that fuckin' Q-tip in your dick. Like, yeah, I know my dick is sick, I don't need you to stick that shit in my dick to tell me that it's sick, give me medicine.

Is there ever a time that nigga doesn't rhyme with nigger?

Naw, the nigga always rhymes with nigga.

Do you have any good Big Pun stories?

Yo, that nigga Pun under his fold of fat it used to smell like ass. Yo, we was chillin' in Old Star cafe, and we was with two of our boys, these niggas from Rough Neck Soldiers, and that nigga went to the bathroom and left his cell phone on top of the table. Pun took the cell phone and picked up his shit and rubbed the phone in his sweaty ass fold. Numbers had cheese in 'em and everything. He closed the phone and put the phone back, homeboy came back from the bathroom, and he was talkin' on the phone. I mean that shit smells like if he stuck his fingers in his ass, but homeboy picked up the phone, he was talkin' for a little while, and then he go like, "Yo, what the fuck?" I couldn't even eat after that shit. Hilarious. And then he put the phone down, you could see the cheese all stuck in the numbers.

That's disgusting.

That nigga was always fuckin' playin' practical jokes. That nigga was like the practical-joke king. You weren't safe around him at all, you'd always have to be on point 'cause he's always doin' some shit. That nigga was crazy mad. You only meet people like that once in a lifetime, if you're lucky. He brought a gun that shoots blanks into the studio, had everyone buggin' in there. Pun, he let his man hold it and put an apple on his head, you know what I'm sayin', like as if it's a real gun, he busted the gun, boom! So Pun moves his head, the apple falls off, and everybody gets up like, "Oh shit yo, you guys are fuckin' crazy!" You know what I'm sayin', like what the fuck? So after he does that shit, he puts a fuckin' grape on his head, and he's like "Raul, go ahead, shoot that shit off," the producer bolts out, and the nigga are standin' at the door, they don't let the engineer out. He's like, "Man, c'mon, you fuckin' guys are crazy, man, don't do this shit, man, don't do this shit!" Yo, had that nigga scared to death in there. Pun was a crazy nigga.

Comments

stink
21 Feb 2007, 08:07

wow, that's gross.

chuh
21 Feb 2007, 08:09

isn't pun dead?

chachi
21 Feb 2007, 08:12

fart

swallow dinks
22 Feb 2007, 12:50

faggotry.

chris
24 Feb 2007, 08:24

test

wtf
25 Feb 2007, 14:42

all about stink.

brunothakid
19 Mar 2007, 21:35

fuck blender magazine, this is the shit i wanna hear about right here. good shit nieratko!

shawnerose
16 Jul 2007, 17:08

that is some of the grossest shit i've ever read in my entire life.