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Tampa was both exciting and bittersweet for me. I love the Skatepark of Tampa guys and Barak Wiser (Park Commissioner) did a great job of putting together a fun evening. But it was also to be the last time I’d see my wife for nearly three weeks and I dreaded the thought of being without her for so long. As much as I joke about our life together, the reality is that I’m completely and hopelessly lost without her. A good example is how I began to panic when we got separated on the flight down to Florida. I was bumped up to first class and she had to fly coach. I tried to pay any fees to get her a first class ticket but they were sold out. Then I tried to have my seat switched to coach but no seats were available. I went into a panic. I hate flying. For as much as I fly, it’s humorous that it still gives me minor heart attacks every time we hit a patch of turbulence. At least when I fly with Crissie she keeps me semi at ease. Of course the flight down to Tampa was as turbulent as any I’ve flown and I started freaking out. All the beer on board couldn’t calm my nerves. When the flight landed I rushed to get off as quickly as humanly possible. If I was seated with Crissie she would have made sure I had all my belongings before we exited but since she wasn’t I ended up leaving two PowerBook batteries and a DVD booklet of my favorite 30 DVDs on the plane. Never to be seen again. It’s sad, I know, to be so dependant on someone else but it is the reality of my life. My woman makes my life better. And Easier. And so I don’t have to think as much. And without her I’m a ship lost at sea. Having my heart cut from my chest using a butter knife would have been more welcomed then the idea of three weeks without her.

While I was down there I interviewed an adult film star named Brandie May for Bizarre Magazine. She’s 20 years old and her husband is 40. They’ve been together for four years. You do the math. Here’s an excerpt from the interview:

Me: I think it’s cute you want to tour Europe for 2 years to “learn how to say hello and I love you in a hundred different languages.”

Brandie: Yeah.

But what if someone lies to you and instead of teaching you to say ‘I Love You’ they teach you a vile curse word like ‘your mother’s vagina has worms.'

Unless he’s from the same country, he’s not gonna know what I’m saying. I mean, there’s only like 56 different countries.

I’m going to have to go out on a limb and say that’s not the correct number. I’ll even go so far as to say, “You’re way off.”

Well, how many are there then, smart guy?

There’s like, a million.

No, you’re a dork. No, there’s not. No. No. No. There’s like a million cities, not counties.

Let’s Google it then. [Google reveals there are 194 countries].

194 countries in the world, ha bitch! You were wrong. A million? Are you kidding me? I was closer than you.


Isn’t she precious? She’s also 4-month pregnant. I was unaware because she’s so thin. And still chain smoking.

The Skatepark of Tampa made a small run of 55 decks with a picture I drew (except for the poo. Barak drew the poo. I don’t know how to draw poo.) and they have them for sale on the S.P.O.T. site I can’t thank Barak and S.P.O.T., Red Bull, Nick Halkias from Nike SB, Colt 45, Vice, and NJ Skateshop for all the help and support on this book tour. I’m sorry so slow on the updates of the tour. It’s difficult finding time to write when everyone keeps me out drinking until 2am each night.



Here’s the audio interview from The Toucher and Rich show in Boston. These guys were great and it was the most fun I had doing an interview thus far. They knew all about the old Big Brother interviews and really wanted to hear some funny stories. I appreciate them having me on.





Barak




Cris Nieratko, Nick Halkia




Mine!




Mmmm, Chocolate




Nick and Jen are having a baby. I'm jealous




Day at the beach




Cris, Brian, Serene




Carissa brought her own floatation devices




Did I ever tell you how much i love these pickles?




Pregnant, without a care in the world




Thanks for the beer, mate




Thanks Red Bull, Colt 45, Nike SB




The guy from The Life Aquatic





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© 2007 chrisnieratko.com