Everyone, I’d like you to meet Lonnie. Lonnie is Crissie’s uncle, thus making him my uncle too and he is BEYOND awesome. You can’t tell from these photos or movie but he stands over 6 feet tall and looks just like Andre the Giant. And he’s special. He has arrested development and believes he is four or seven years old (depending on what day it is. He is actually in his 50s.) He also has no clue about his own strength. My wife likes to test that fact by tormenting him (in a loving way) every minute she’s around him. The exchange always ends with Crissie asking Lonnie if he shit his pants, then him getting worked up, giggling and physically throwing Crissie out of the house. I’m not sure who gets a bigger kick out of it.
Somewhere along the way Lonnie has picked up some colorful language that would make a pirate blush. He is always, ALWAYS cursing. Some of his go-to lines are: fuck your shit, go shit in a toilet, kiss my ding (Lonnie calls his pecker his ding), suck my ding, whore, and stick your ding in a toilet.
His favorite things in life are The Beatles, The Three Stooges, and any show that’s on TV Land. It’s not unusual for him to use the phrasings of those programs in regular speak. I have been called Potsy, meathead, knucklehead, Cunningham and big dummy by Lonnie repeatedly. Most of what he has learned along the way has been learned from television. It’s pretty funny to have him quickly put real life situations into scenarios he’d seen play out on a sitcom. The other day he went to the doctor and when the doctor came at him with a big needle he got scared and blurted out, “I’m coming for you, Elizabeth. This is the big one.” Whenever he hears someone arguing he makes a fist and yells, “One of these days, Alice, POW! Right to the moon!”
We coined a phrase a few years back referring to mentally retarded folks as H.O.G.s (Hearts Of Gold) and that’s what Lonnie has, a heart of gold. You can expect to see more of him on this site. I have only begun to scratch the surface. I haven’t told you how he gives everyone nicknames and Crissie’s mom’s is Doris Shittin or how we were able to get full frontal nudity photos of him, how every time he is asked to do housework he says he’s sick and doesn’t feel well or how sometimes, like Crissie teases him about, he does poop his pants. Now that I know how to record quicktimes I’ll try and get you as much Lonnie action as possible. You will love him and want to kidnap him and make him your own. But you can’t! He’s ours!
Everyone, I’d like you to meet Lonnie. Lonnie is Crissie’s uncle, thus making him my uncle too and he is BEYOND awesome. You can’t tell from these photos or movie but he stands over 6 feet tall and looks just like Andre the Giant. And he’s special. He has arrested development and believes he is four or seven years old (depending on what day it is. He is actually in his 50s.) He also has no clue about his own strength. My wife likes to test that fact by tormenting him (in a loving way) every minute she’s around him. The exchange always ends with Crissie asking Lonnie if he shit his pants, then him getting worked up, giggling and physically throwing Crissie out of the house. I’m not sure who gets a bigger kick out of it.
Somewhere along the way Lonnie has picked up some colorful language that would make a pirate blush. He is always, ALWAYS cursing. Some of his go-to lines are: fuck your shit, go shit in a toilet, kiss my ding (Lonnie calls his pecker his ding), suck my ding, whore, and stick your ding in a toilet.
His favorite things in life are The Beatles, The Three Stooges, and any show that’s on TV Land. It’s not unusual for him to use the phrasings of those programs in regular speak. I have been called Potsy, meathead, knucklehead, Cunningham and big dummy by Lonnie repeatedly. Most of what he has learned along the way has been learned from television. It’s pretty funny to have him quickly put real life situations into scenarios he’d seen play out on a sitcom. The other day he went to the doctor and when the doctor came at him with a big needle he got scared and blurted out, “I’m coming for you, Elizabeth. This is the big one.” Whenever he hears someone arguing he makes a fist and yells, “One of these days, Alice, POW! Right to the moon!”