36 Crazy Fists Interview
 So, you guys are from Alaska. How's that?
It's kind of a fucked-up deal. I'm sure you've seen it on TV where all the fuckers are running into the frozen water, jumping back out. Well, we always did that shit at the lake and stuff. Drunken escapades. There's not a lot to do up here, man, so you gotta come up with your own fun.
Did you guys ever go use the Bering Straight to go to Russia to get whores?
Nope, nope. Never did that.
Do you have a guard post at the end of the Bering Straight so the Russians don't come in and get your whores?
No, I don't know. I think it's free rein. Yeah.
How long does it take to get to Russia from Alaska?
I think there's parts of Alaska where it's like a 45-minute run across from the tip. I'm not sure what part of the state, I think it's off the nose if you're looking at the state, you know? Anchorage is quite a bit down below, so it's pretty far from Russia here. But there are places that are pretty damned close to it.
Do Alaskans hate Russians?
I think it's all good.
Is living in Alaska just like doing cocaine because the sun never sets?
I guess in some ways there's a good cocaine Alaskan summer, I think you can compare sometimes, very easily.
Is it hard to get drugs up there, so you guys just snort snow?
No, man, there's plenty of drugs around. I mean, pot's legal, for Christsake. In Anchorage, yeah. That doesn't suck.
Man, I'm surprised more Americans don't move there. I heard you kidnapped somebody from your record label once.
Fuck, no. What the fuck? No. Definitely not. I don't know nothing about that.
Did you ever, you know, like piss in the snow?
Of course. Write your name in the snow, all that good shit.
Did you ever eat it?
Definitely not. You don't eat the yellow snow.
You should eat it, I heard it's healthy.
Put it up, I'll do it for quite a bit of money.
I'll give you eight bucks.
Eight bucks? Man, you got to give me something better than that.
I'm not asking me to give me your lung. I'm just saying, eat the piss. It's already diluted because it's got snow.
Do you drink piss? For eight bucks?
For eight bucks, yeah, sure; I mean, what are you going to do?
Well, I guess it depends on what kind of a situation you're in. If you're pretty thirsty, you might need to.
Are you guys a bunch of lumberjacks up there in Alaska?
There's a lot of farmers and lumberjacks and hockey players.
Hockey sucks, right?
Fuck that. It's the best sport ever. You don't like it because you're from California?
No, i'm from New Jersey.
You're from New Jersey, and you don't like hockey?
No, I'm an American.
It's definitely an American sport.
No, it's a Canadian sport.
It's a fucking badass sport. The fucking Devils are the defending champs, even though I hate them.
Oh. Are they from Jersey?
Yeah, New Jersey Devils. Yeah, hockey's big up in Alaska.
Do you just feel like the red-headed stepchild of America up in Alaska?
I didn't really think of it too much, I think everyone that I know that's gone up there loves it, as far as life if you're into snowboarding and like winter sports. There's super good hunting and fishing, it's a beautiful place, man.
Is it like the winter Olympics all year round?
The summer's are pretty nice, there's no snow in the summer.
What do you do with your skis then?
Put them on the water.
You ever catch a whale?
No. There's no whaling done by me. I just never been out in the water where the whales are being hunted. That's more a thing of the Eskimos in the villages.
How come you're not an Eskimo?
What?
How come you're not an Eskimo?
No, man, I'm white.
Why not?
Because i'm not. Why aren't you black? Because you're not.
Yeah, but I'd like to be. Wouldn't you like to be an Eskimo?
No. I'm cool with what I am.
Why, you hate Mexicans? I mean, Eskimos?
No.
Are Eskimos like the Mexicans of Alaska?
No, I think they're on their own. We got Mexicans in Alaska as well.
You got Mexicans in Alaska?
Yeah.
Fuck, those guys must be tired from walking. Hey, how come Eskimo's teepees don't burn down when they start a fire?
I don't know, probably because that would be Indians that have the teepees, bro.
Yeah, but they have ice houses or something.
Igloos.
Igloos, yeah, how come those don't burn when they have a fire in them?
I don't know, I've never actually been in one. I haven't seen too many igloos.
Everybody in Alaska lives in an igloo.
Nope.
Do you have mailmen? Or do you guys just put letters in bottles and throw it in the ocean?
We got the postal service up here.
What else you got?
We got it all, man. It's pretty Westernized over here.
You ever heard of a little something called television?
Oh, yeah. We got that.
How come Alaska doesn't just make a big-ass snowball and roll that shit down on Canada?
We should do that. I'm down with making big snowballs.
Who's the heroin junkie in the band?
None of us.
What if I gave you 20 bucks and a really big bag of heroin, would you do it?
No, I'm good. I'm straight on that.
What would you do if I made you a nice green salad, and I didn't tell you it was laced with heroin?
I don't know, I guess we'd have to figure what we have to do after I came out of the fucking hell that I was in. It wouldn't be the funnest, I don't believe.
Comments
adam nause
22 Mar 2007, 19:20
This guy is pretty sane for someone claiming to be three dozen CRAZY FISTs!!!
jackie chan
13 Nov 2007, 03:53
the name is from a jackie chan movie.
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